What if today is one of the good days… and you’re afraid to trust it?
Your husband finally shaved without being asked. He smiled again. Maybe he even joked the way he used to. For a moment, it feels like he came back.
But if you’re like Anne, a Christian wife caring for a husband with Parkinson’s and FTD, the next feeling is dread. “What if this doesn’t last?” “What if I wake up tomorrow, and he’s gone again?”
That tug-of-war between hope and heartbreak is something most dementia caregivers know well. We want to cherish the good days—but we’re braced for the next decline.
Anne joined one of our recent Ask the Dementia Coach calls with this exact question:
“How do I hold on to the good days without fear?”
She Thought the End Was Near
Anne’s husband had been sleeping 20 hours a day. “I really thought I was losing him,” she shared. Then something changed.
After a visit from family—including great-grandchildren—and a big outing to Disney, he perked up. He became more engaged. He started doing daily routines again without being prompted.
It felt like a miracle.
But Anne knew the medical reality. Parkinson’s. FTD. She wasn’t naïve. “I know we’re in a honeymoon period,” she said. “How do I prepare for when it shifts again?”
We’re Not Guaranteed Tomorrow—But We Are Given Today
The first truth we unpacked together was simple, but not always easy:
None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
Whether or not your loved one has dementia, the truth is that life is fragile. Death, as Anne said, “just sucks.” It’s the ultimate separator. It was never supposed to be this way.
But knowing that doesn’t mean you have to live braced and bitter. Instead, Scripture calls us to gratitude. “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
So what do you do when you’re living a “good day,” but your heart is waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Start With One Small Shift
Anne came to the call already showing deep emotional awareness. She knew she couldn’t control what came next, but she wanted to respond wisely. She wanted to be faithful, not fearful.
So we anchored her in one simple step:
“Be happy in today and know the Lord will take care of tomorrow.”
That’s not just a Hallmark sentiment. That’s biblical obedience. It’s choosing to live like God is still good, still in control, even if the next season is harder.
Why Anticipatory Grief Feels So Confusing
Anne asked if what she was feeling was grief. Maybe you’ve wondered that too.
What we clarified is this: You can’t fully grieve someone who is still alive.
You can grieve the changes. The losses in communication. The role shifts. The absence of shared routines.
But grief in its fullness comes with death. Until then, what you’re experiencing is something different: anticipatory loss—which can feel like being pulled between two realities.
When we name this accurately, we free ourselves from thinking we have to “get over it.” Instead, we focus on making memories, building connection, and living with gratitude in the now.
Therapeutic Truth-Telling™ in Action
Here’s what we told Anne:
“You’re not being foolish to enjoy today. You’re being faithful.”
As Christians, we live in truth. And the truth is that God gave you this moment. Not to hoard or fear—but to steward.
Therapeutic Truth-Telling™ means you stop hiding from the hard truths—AND you stop letting them rule you. You name what is true, and then you choose how to live in light of it.
Anne didn’t need more facts about dementia. She needed permission to rest in the joy of today. And maybe you do too.
Begin With the End in Mind
If you’re caregiving and bracing for loss, take a moment to ask:
“If I looked back six months from now, what would I be grateful I did today?”
That’s how you begin with the end in mind. That’s how you make decisions that honor both your loved one and the God who holds time in His hands.
For Anne, that meant creating more opportunities for family visits. It meant saying yes to simple adventures, even if they’re tiring. It meant not pushing away the joy just because it might not last.
And for you? That step might look different—but it always starts with clarity.
Don’t Wait for a Crisis to Get Clarity
If this resonates with you, here’s one way to take the next right step:
Register for our monthly “Ask the Dementia Coach” Q&A on July 26th.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. You’ll get live, biblically anchored guidance for your unique caregiving questions.
Or, if you’re looking for a longer-term foundation, join our free workshop:
“How To Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress in 3 Easy Steps”
Final Thought:
You don’t have to fear the good days.
They’re not a trick. They’re a gift.
And our God is the giver of every good and perfect gift—not just the ones that last forever, but even the ones that come for a moment and remind us what love feels like.
So go ahead—laugh with him. Let him hold your hand. Take the walk. Snap the photo.
Not because you’re denying what’s coming…
But because you’re choosing to live in the light of what you have.
And that’s what faithful caregiving looks like.
Transcript
You know those rare days that feel like a gift, when your husband with dementia suddenly remembers how to make you laugh,
The Gift of Good Days
when he shaves without being asked, or says something tender to you you have not heard in a while. It feels like a piece of him came back, like maybe, just maybe, things might be turning around. But almost immediately, the dread creeps in. What if this is just a tease? What if tomorrow it’s gone again? That tug of war between hope and heartbreak is real as a caregiver. And today, we’re talking about what actually to do with the good days, how to hold them without fear, and how to stop living braced for the decline.
Hey, Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast for weary wives, overwhelmed daughters, and all of us carrying more than we thought we could. I’m Lizette Cloete, pastor’s wife, dementia care advisor and coach, and fellow believer, former occupational therapist that is walking this road along with you. If you’re showing up day after day with somebody with dementia and wondering how to stay faithful without falling apart, you’re in the right place. If you’re feeling stretched, thin, and unsure what’s actually helping, join me and register for our next Ask the Dementia Coach on July the 26th. This is a change in time. It’s now on a Saturday, and this seems to be working
Joining the Dementia Coach
very well for people just like you. Here in the Ask the Dementia Coach, you have the opportunity to talk with me about your real Christian caregiver struggles, and we will find real solutions that work for us as Christians.
Not just the world’s band-aids. You can sign up at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash ask and come breathe again. I keep these to about eight people, and so I would love to have you register. Now let’s get into the next episode where we’re going to meet Anne, a recent participate in the Ask the Dementia Coach. You too could come and have your questions answered.
Hello, and long time no see. Hi there. We’ve been busy with a lot of things, and I’m still trying to get our house in order, even though we’ve lived here four years. There you go. I’m doing a couple of major changes that need to be done. Absolutely. So before we get started, before we dive in, I want us to start with a simple reflection that helps us stay focused and make the most of our time. Let’s imagine it’s six months from today and caregiving is easier. What does easier look like for you now? It’s what I’ve had for the past two weeks. And he is sometimes shaving without my coaching him. He’s being caring and doing things without my coaching that need to be done. It’s like he’s come back again. And my major problem is since two months ago, I thought I was losing him and he was sleeping over 20 hours a day. for over 10 days, I thought, okay, we’re into the next stage. And now we’re back to better than we were five years ago. Okay. So what do you think might have contributed to that, this improvement?
The only thing I can really put a finger on is we had family come visit,
Reflecting on Easier Days
two great-grandchildren and the parents and her brother and such. Okay. We actually made it to Disney and two days separate. We took a day off in between. He was able to walk over 10,000 steps. Okay. All right. So now that you have described that, what question do you have for me today, Ms. Anne? How do I prepare myself? Because I know we’re in a honeymoon period right now. And, you know, with his diagnosis of the Parkinson’s and the FTD, I know it’s nice right now. And how do I prepare myself that in six months I might be back to saying goodbye
Preparing for the Inevitable
because he’s sleeping so many more hours a day? I’ve been able to, you know, with what you talked about to the last lady, to accept his reality. And his reality is so normal right now. I wish I’d be here for six months from now, but I know that’s usually not in the cards, but everybody’s physiology is so different. So I’m just looking for a way. I feel like I’m walking continuously on ice that am I going to wake up tomorrow and we’re in a completely different reality that he’s having. That is very, very helpful, sweet, Miss Anne. Would it be helpful if I can kind of unpack that for you? Thank you. I’d appreciate it as usual.
So none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
And I know and recognize that when we do have a diagnosis of dementia and Lewy body and all of these other things, Parkinson’s, that we have an expectation that things are going to change. That’s part of the package. The reality is, if he lives long enough, it will be the reality. And he may never get there because he could pass away before that.
Yes i have seen both of those extremes i have seen people who had been living with parkinson’s for a long period of time and lewy body dimension all of these other things have a heart attack or stroke and pass away a car accident right so what we do what we need to consider is that we do need to be prepared that if he lives long enough, at some point or another, these things are going to be true. And it may never happen. And that’s the hard balance that we have to have. In saying all of that, normal people, husbands and wives, combinations with nothing wrong, walk out and are in a car accident and one of them die. These things happen. This is not normal in the sense that death never should be, right? Amen. The wages of sin is death. And the pain that you are feeling is the separation, the recognition that death sucks.
Death is separation, right? And it’s not to mitigate or minimize what you are experiencing and feeling because death sucks. I mean, my mom passed away three months ago And I think about it every single day. She did not die from dementia, but she died with vascular changes in her brain.
Embracing Hope Amidst Grief
And the comfort that I have is that it is still part of God’s providence for me. And when you and Mike got married all those years ago, there is an implicit understanding. If we are honest with one another, when we get married, if we remain married, one of the two of us is likely going to pass before the other one. And you could pass before him, right? Right. So all of that to say, from a Christian perspective, what we need to do and how we look at this is, you know, Marinette, the Lord, come quickly. Let’s be done. Right. And if you and Mike are both believers, then you know where he is going.
And that you have hope even through all of this, you have hope because this is not the final end. Right? Amen. Does it make it any easier, the emotions that we have? No. But the Lord tells us to be grateful. And you have the ability to be grateful for what you still have. You have time and you have the ability to make memories. So what I’d encourage you with, Anne, is create those opportunities that keep him engaged, that bring the family, you know, back, go places with him, and keep living until the time comes when he is not able to do that.
Anticipating what we don’t know is never helpful because all we have is right now. That’s all we have. That’s all each one of us has. I can walk out of here, you know, half hour from now, hour from now, whatever, and kill over dead. I’m not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. Enjoy today. I do. Every single day. And be grateful for the time you still have together and make memories with this time you have together. And somebody asked me the other day about anticipatory loss, right? We cannot anticipate the loss of a death of somebody who’s still alive. They’re still alive. What we are grieving are the changes that we’re seeing. We are grieving the what could have been, the relationship we had, the changes that we notice.
Yes, It is a grieving process, but that process and the grief you experience
Understanding Anticipatory Loss
when somebody passes, they are not the same thing. You cannot actually grieve a person, like grieve, grieve a person who is still alive. Because as long as that person is still alive, like grieving a child, a wavered child or whatever, there’s the possibility of reconciliation. There’s the possibility of time. Still, a death is that ultimate separator. And when that happens is when we can actually truly start to grieve the loss of a spouse or a parent. Exactly.
Okay. A lot of reasons to make about what we should do next, but grieving does not need to be in there. Well, being prepared and knowing that everybody, all of us know, there are a bunch of women in here, we typically outlive our spouses. That is very common, right? So based on everything we’ve talked about,
Taking Small Steps Forward
what is one small step that you can take today that will make it a little bit easier for you? Be happy in today and know the Lord will take care of tomorrow, no matter what, with his help. He always does. He always does. Amen. Thank you so much again. You’re welcome so much. I love having you here. I love seeing your smiling face. Take care. You’re welcome, Annam.
People who are really benefiting from the community are the people who joined earlier on, before they need it, and that have been active and are participating in the community because then they already know what questions to ask and they have a place to come and they’re not constantly wondering, what do I need to do? How do I need to do it? So people listening are interested in tapping into or learning about the community. I’d invite you to just go to the website, thinkdifferentdementia.com. There’s a link for you to schedule a 20-minute call. There’s no pressure. I’ll serve you regardless of whether you join the community or not. But it is a way for you to take this relationship a little deeper, a little bit more hands-on support because really the research also shows it’s
Building Community Support
longitudinal support over time. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. I would highly recommend Lizette She’s awesome I appreciate that endorsement.
