What Happens After Caregiving Ends? Why You Need a Plan Now
Imagine you live in New York and have committed to a journey to Sweden. You know this trip is important. You’re convinced it’s even divinely provided. But instead of checking a map or booking a flight, you just start walking east. No plan. No path. Just good intentions.
Many caregiving journeys begin this way. Full of love, full of conviction—but without a clear direction. And somewhere along the way, caregivers find themselves not just tired, but disoriented. The road is long, and no one told them what comes next.
Caregiving clarity anchored in Scripture reminds us: this journey does not end when the care ends. It continues into what God is calling us to next.
Pam’s Journey: A 20-Year Walk of Faithful Care
Pam’s story is familiar. She had already been a caregiver for over two decades, first for her father, then for her mother who developed vascular dementia. During a conversation over coffee, she began to unpack what made Caregiving Dignity by Design™ different from the other spaces she had encountered. One question had reframed her entire journey. It wasn’t about diagnosis or logistics. It was about direction. It planted the seed for what is now called the DigniCare Lens™.
This guiding question invites caregivers to think with eternity in mind, to begin with the end in mind. Not just the end of the caregiving season, but the eternal end.
Begin with the End in Mind: Eternal Perspective First
Psalm 90:12 teaches us to number our days, that we may present a heart of wisdom. Planning for what happens after caregiving is not self-centered. It is faithful stewardship. Too often, caregivers are launched into this role in a moment of crisis. A fall, a hospitalization, a diagnosis. And from there, every next step feels reactive.
But the Christian caregiver is called to move beyond reaction and into reflection. This is part of the sanctification journey—learning to steward the time, resources, and relationships God has entrusted.
The Cost of Caregiving: Stewarding Two Lives
One reality that often goes unspoken is the personal cost of long-term caregiving. Statistics show that up to 30% of caregivers pass before the person they care for. Stress, skipped meals, neglected health, and spiritual dryness compound. Without careful stewardship, the caregiver can become a casualty.
Caregiving should not eclipse the stewarding of one’s own life. Just as parents are called to steward the lives of their children, so too are caregivers entrusted with the lives of their loved ones. But not to the neglect of their own. To burn out now is not only a personal cost—it transfers the burden to someone else.
Count the Cost: What Are We Modeling?
Luke 14 reminds us to count the cost before building. Stewardship applies to time, energy, and relationships, not just finances. When caregivers model complete depletion, what message does that send to the next generation? Are we, perhaps unknowingly, setting up our children to follow the same unsustainable pattern?
Ask the Right Question Before You Run Out of Time
The DigniCare Lens™ invites a vital pause:
“Three years from now, when your caregiving journey is over, what would need to be true for you to say, by God’s grace, I walked it well and have enough life and strength and energy to serve Him for what He’s calling me to do next?”
Caregiving is the mountain ascent. But no one talks about the descent—what comes next. That climb consumes every resource. What happens when the journey ends and there is no strength left for what follows?
This question helps map out a future with clarity. It reorients caregivers to recognize that stewarding this season includes preparing for the next.
Planning for the Future: There is Life After Caregiving
Genesis 1 reminds us that we are made in God’s image—both the caregiver and the one being cared for. The command to glorify God and enjoy Him forever doesn’t stop when caregiving ends. The journey continues.
Is it possible that, in trying to do everything for someone else, the caregiving season unintentionally replaced our relationship with the Lord? Reordering our priorities with clarity restores our walk with Him and makes space for what He may be preparing next.
READ MORE: What Happens After Caregiving Ends? Why You Need a Plan Now
One Small Step Forward
Perhaps the one step forward today is a phone call to the deacons. Maybe it is scheduling a single rest day. Or registering for a support session that brings Therapeutic Truth-Telling™ into focus.
Caregiving is part of our sanctification. But it is not our whole story. There is more. And God, who is not a God of confusion, invites His people to walk this journey with peace, purpose, and a plan. (I just scanned it, not fully read it, but it is better)
The next Ask the Dementia Coach session is happening on Saturday, June 28 at 3 PM EST. This is a space to bring real questions and receive personal, faithful responses.
Transcript
The Journey Begins
[0:01] Imagine you live in New York and you’ve just decided to go to Sweden. [0:08] You’ve committed to the journey. You’ve told everyone that this trip is important. You even know that God has provided you this particular trip. But instead of booking a flight, asking for directions, or even looking at a map, You just start walking east with a good heart, a packed bag, and no plan. The problem isn’t your conviction or your commitment. It’s your direction. Caregiving is like that for so many of us. We step into this role with love, often at a great cost. And no one hands us a map. No one tells us where this road is headed. And somewhere along the way, we stop planning for the part that comes after. We’re not just tired, we’re disoriented, and we’ve forgotten this isn’t the end of our story. Hey Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast that equips you to navigate dementia care with clarity.
[1:17] Peace, and a Christ-centered purpose. Because caregiving isn’t just logistics, it is a part of your spiritual formation. And it doesn’t end when their memory fades or even when our caregiving stops. And if you’re realizing you’ve been walking this road without a clearer view of what comes next, I’d love to ask you to join me this month for our next live Ask the Dementia Coach session. It is a safe Christian caregiver space to bring your real questions about your stress, boundaries, and what’s next and receive real answers, faithful.
[2:07] Practical, and personal responses. Registration for the next session is now open at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash ask.
Life After Caregiving
[2:18] It is a different time this month. It is a Saturday, June 28th at 3 p.m. Eastern, praying that you will join me there. Now let’s dive in to today’s episode episode 261, what happens after caregiving ends, why you need a plan now, because we are not just talking about caregiving. We’re talking about what happens after caregiving and how to walk this entire journey with eternity in mind. I want to tell you.
[2:57] About when I first met Pam. Pam met me in a local Starbucks or Panera. I actually don’t remember which one. And her mom was still alive. Pam is a local Alzheimer’s support group facilitator. And she and I met for a cup of coffee about a year and a half ago because she wanted to find out who I was, what I was, and what I was all about. And Pam was, at that time, caregiving for her mom, who has subsequently passed away. They were absolutely in the middle of being caregivers.
[3:38] Pam had been a caregiver for over 20 years by that time, having cared for her father before her mother, first as a daughter that was a distant daughter living close by, but not the primary family caregiver, then with mom and dad living with her for a period of time. Then her mom moved out. I might have butchered this, and if I have, Pam, please forgive me. But at the time we met, her mom was living with her, and her mom had vascular dementia. And we walked together through the remainder of her mom’s year-long journey with her vascular dementia until she passed away. After she passed away, about a month or so afterwards, I took her out for a meal and I asked her what made what we did in the society that I have been growing different than a support group. And she told me that it was one question that I asked her very much so at the beginning of her journey. And she said, no one ever asked her that before. And that one question became the seed of what I now call the DigniCare lens.
The DigniCare Lens
[4:58] This is a tool that I.
[5:00] Use in Ask the Dementia Coach. It’s been renamed from the caregiver reflection question to the DigniCare lens question because it helps us as caregivers stop making reactive decisions and start thinking with eternity in mind. Pam later shared with me that that question changed how her caregiving journey unfolded. It gave her a way to know that when it was over, she would not regret the journey anymore. And that is what today’s episode is all about. We’re going to look at it through a few different lenses. The first one is we are going to start our caregiving journey with the end in mind, the eternal end, eternity. We’re not just going to look at it in the here and now. Then we’re also going to look at the real stakes. If you burn out now, you will multiply the burden later. And we don’t like to think about that either.
[6:11] The next thing that we’re going to look at is we are stewarding more than just one life and it’s not only about them. And the last thing we’re going to look at is asking yourself the right question
Starting with the End in Mind
[6:25] before you run out of time. And then that one decision will change the outcome of your journey. So the first thing that we’re going to look at today is you need to consider starting your caregiving journey with your destination in mind and your eternal destination in mind. So Psalm 90 verse 12 says.
[6:54] So teach us to number our days that we may present to you a heart of wisdom. And beginning with the end in mind is so counterintuitive to most of the way most people navigate their lives. I will tell you that as an occupational therapist, when we would work with people, we would always set goals, right? a short-term goal and a long-term goal. And this idea of beginning with the end in mind speaks to me related to my background as an occupational therapist. But then also the seasons in my life where I have actually set specific goals for the direction, my husband and for the direction of our lives, things were significantly different. And it’s very interesting because providentially in our lives, every single time we have been in a situation where we needed to make a very difficult decision related to maybe moving or one of the ones that I remember was my husband wanted to go to seminary and we were living in Missouri at that time. And the closest seminary was Mid-America Reformed Presbyterian Seminary up in Illinois.
[8:18] Well, our very, very first place that we landed when we moved to the United States in 1993 was Indiana. And because I had been a traveling therapist, you cannot carry around 10, 12 different licenses forever because they become very expensive. So after we had moved away from there, I kept it for a few years, thinking we might go back. Well, what ended up happening, to make a very long story short, was I would have to retake my board exams in order for us to move to mid-America for my husband to go to seminary. And I just told him, I’m sorry, Louie, I can’t do that. And so the decision then became.
[8:58] Well, if you feel like you’re called to go to seminary, what other seminary? And that decision opened the doors for us to move to Greenville, South Carolina. My husband found Greenville Presbyterian Theological Seminary here in Greenville. And that one decision started a whole bunch of decisions that providentially from the moment we decided that that was the right move to selling a house, getting a new license to practice, moving two kids at the age of 10 and 12 across the country took less than five weeks. So when we begin with the end in mind, it is oftentimes a way of looking at our lives, not just in the what is happening right now perspective. And it is very easy when we are in a caregiving journey, particularly when we’ve been thrown into it, when we’re in the crisis situation, somebody falls, they go to the hospital.
[10:01] They’re needing a hip replacement, whatever happens that sometimes puts us into that mode of caregiver, sometimes it is a responsive type of thing. But when we’ve been in this caregiving journey for a period of time, it should not remain a responsive type of thing. It should not just be about being afraid. We should clearly think through what we are to do next. Because if we do not, we forget that we’re not only impacting ourselves, but we’re impacting other people too. We have to think about tomorrow. And for us.
[10:46] It is important because it is not just life after caregiving, but it is part of our eternal journey. This journey as a Christian caregiver is a part of your Christian journey. And this question that I asked Pam, this DigniCare lens, helps you to pause and ask yourself, What kind of witness am I for myself, my family, my community in how I walk this season of caregiving? What is my life going to look like and not from a selfish perspective after caregiving? Because there are some really practical things that flow out of this. So I know I once had a caregiver say to me that she believed it was the right thing to do to put everything on hold, give up everything in her life. And what it ended up resulting in was that she recognized that she was not going to be healthy. She wasn’t going to have a life after this. And the reality is, and this is something that a lot of people forget or don’t talk about, is that, you know, if you’re a married woman, your husband, your relationship, your relationship with your kids, but also statistically.
[12:07] The statistics actually show that 30%, and it’s a hard statistic to come by, but roughly about 30% of family caregivers.
[12:18] Actually end up passing before the person that they’re taking care of. And so we have to consider this. We have to keep it in the back of our mind because stress, sleep, skipped meals, all of these things continue to compound. Things like putting your own spiritual well-being in a part because you don’t carve out some time to spend with the Lord. And all of these things are part of things that God has given us to steward for him. We are here for a purpose. It’s not by accident, it’s by God’s decree. And so when we don’t keep in mind our own health, our marriage, our finances, we’re not being faithful and we end up burning out. And so I want us to really stop and have you consider looking at your caregiving journey.
[13:11] Not in a reactive mode, but like stewarding what the Lord has given you. You’re stewarding your life. You’re stewarding somebody else’s life. When we are parents, we intuitively steward the lives of our children. When we are caregivers, it is up to us to also steward the life of the person that you’re taking care of. And if you burn out now, that cost of caregiving doesn’t go away. It just goes to someone else. It might go to your sibling. If you’re an adult child taking care of a parent, if you are the well spouse and you pass away, you may inadvertently now result in your own children becoming in your particular situation. And so I really want you to consider that if you burn out now.
[14:10] It multiplies people’s burden later. So we also are looking at how to steward the areas in our life that God gives us. Time is a resource that never fails. Gets replenished. We all have the exact amount of time. We can steward our health. We can steward our relationships. We talk about stewarding money all the time, but we’re also asked to steward our own spiritual well-being. Now, if we’re neglecting any of these aspects of a good, healthy, and I use the word balanced, but not in the sense of what the world uses the word balanced in. But if we put everything aside to take care of somebody, it becomes unsustainable over time. And that can be a very, very big red flag. And so consider what are we modeling as caregivers.
The Cost of Caregiving
[15:12] Particularly dementia caregivers, to our friends, our family, what are we saying when we are not looking at the ramifications, right? The Bible talks about counting the cost. If we were a king and we were building a palace, we would have to count the cost of what the supplies are going to cost. and to make sure that we have all of the resources that we need. And resources are not just money. Resources are time, our energy, our effort, our relationships.
[15:52] All of those things are resources. So that was the second point. The third point is that when we are a caregiver, particularly to somebody living with dementia, we are stewarding two people’s lives. And it’s not only about them, it’s about us. And I remember so many times meeting with people, talking to them, and then having them say to me that this question that I ask them gives them enough of a pause for them to start to think about life after caregiving as well. And so we have to remember that there is life after caregiving. Genesis 1 verses 26 through 28 reminds us that we are made in God’s image, just like the person that we’re caring for. Both of us are made in God’s image. And we are to be mindful that because we are made in God’s image, we are here to glorify him and enjoy him forever. And how we do that is how we are living our lives. And part of that mandate is that we are supposed to be grateful.
[17:11] And stewardship, even in the hard times, even in times of suffering and adversity and the Bible is full of If you read your Bible, the Bible is full of adversity and suffering.
[17:25] Psalms, there are Psalms of lament. Think about Job, all of these things, right? I’m not minimizing that it can be difficult, but we are called as best as we can to be on a journey of growth, on a journey of learning and becoming more like Christ. And we do that by being good stewards. And so I encourage you that stewarding this journey, looking at life after caregiving and planning ahead for that is important because we’re called to obviously take care of that person. If you have committed to being a caregiver, you have now committed to taking care of that person. And it is up to us to steward things well for them, their resources, their money, their time where they live, all of those things, but ours as well. Because if we only look at taking care of that person and we neglect our own, we may have inadvertently made them an idol.
Stewarding Two Lives
[18:38] Inadvertently made this situation as more important than other things. And we should be careful that we have so much emphasis on protecting and maintaining and taking care of that person that it becomes a replacement for our relationship with God. And so just consider that. And so I really want to encourage you to think to your future after caregiving. So what is the right question? I want you to picture Sure. That you are climbing a mountain. You are very heavily burdened. It is a steep mountain and you’ve got to hike it fast. Now imagine somebody tells you when you get to the top, you still have to get back down. But now there’s a problem.
[19:29] You used up everything, all of your resources on the way up. You don’t have any food, you don’t have any water, and you don’t have any plan, and you don’t have any energy to get back down the mountain. That is what happens in caregiving in essence. We are so focused, our caregiving journey is hiking up that mountain, using up all of our resources to get to the summit because we are taking care of that person. But when we get to the top of that mountain, we don’t consider that is when our caregiving journey is complete, but we still have to get back down. And so we ignore the future after caregiving, but it’s because nobody has shown
The Right Question
[20:15] us to think about what comes after. And so when I work with people, this is the question that I ask them.
[20:23] Three years from now, when your caregiving journey is over, what would need to be true for you to say, by God’s grace, I walked it well and have enough life and strength and energy to serve him for what he’s calling me to do next? It’s paraphrased, right? But I want you to think three years from today, when you are looking back on your caregiving journey, when it is over, what would need to be true for you to say that you stewarded it well, that you were able to continue with your life after caregiving for whatever time and season God calls you for next. I want you to write that down. I want you to put it on your bathroom mirror. I want you to start praying about it because caregiving is the here and now, absolutely for sure, but caregiving is also your future, and it is your future in eternity. I’ve used this analogy before. We need to be in the church. We need to involve the church. We need to continue to work on our own daily walk with Christ because that is our eternal home. That is our destiny.
[21:50] And it is no different with the caregiving journey. And the analogy is that if you’re making a fire to barbecue with briquettes and it’s nice and hot and those coals make that little white ashy thing. But if you pull one aside and you put it apart… What happens to it? It dies because it’s not with the other coals. And that is what happens to us when we, because we’re so focused on caregiving.
[22:18] Separate ourselves from the people who are called to walk with us. And so I really want you to just think through one thing that will change your journey. You don’t need to change everything, but I want you to decide one thing. I want you to look and see, can you make a call to the deacons and ask them for help? Can you schedule one rest day by taking action and finding somebody to stay with your person? And can you maybe attend a workshop that’ll help you think a little bit differently? This month in today’s episode goes out on June 20th. On June 28th, I do have the Ask the Dementia Coach monthly question and answer session.
[23:06] Sign up for a workshop, sign up for a course, and really start to think about your future. Because we are not just passively going through our lives, we can and should
Planning for the Future
[23:22] not be the same today as what we are tomorrow. If you are a Christian, if you are a believer, you are on a journey to become more like Christ, and your journey is to take you to eternity. And so we have to work on that. We have to think, how do I do this as a Christian? How do I do this while maintaining my own health, my own well-being, my own relationships?
[23:51] Because, you know, the proverb of the talents, that is a proverb of good stewardship, right? And so my ask for you this week, today, is how can you steward your caregiving journey well? What happens after your caregiving ends? What can you do to plan for that? This whole concept, beginning with the end in mind, the DigniCare lens is part of my process that I take people through, where the first phase is commitment.
[24:32] And the second phase is clarity or clarify. So just a quick recap, we have to start our caregiving journey with the end in mind, both the end of our caregiving journey and what our life looks like afterwards, our relationships, but also with the eye on eternity, both mine and theirs, by the way. And then the second thing is there are very real stakes involved. If you burn yourself out now, you literally, in essence, just kick the can down the line and you potentially put your children in the same position you might be in because you have not taken care of yourself when taking care of your loved one, then we are also not just stewarding ourselves, but we’re not only stewarding them, we’re not only just caregiving for them, but we also are required to steward our own lives. And you need to ask yourself the right question before.
[25:40] You run out of steam before you burn yourself out into the ground. And that is what this DigniCare lens question gives you. It has you focus not just on today, but on the future, the future after caregiving, the future of your own health, and also the future of the person that you’re caregiving? Because not all of us are blessed to be caregivers of fellow believers. And to be honest, that might be the more important conversation.
[26:20] Is caregiving as a Christian, stewarding it well as a believer while helping an unbelieving family member.
Join the Community
[26:29] But that question is for another day. Now, if you haven’t yet joined and come to one of the Ask the Dementia Coach monthly question and answer sessions, I warmly invite you. The next one is on a Saturday. It’s an outside time. It’s Saturday, June 28th at 3 p.m. If I get a good response, I might keep it on a Saturday. We’ll just see how it goes. I know a lot of caregivers work and I try to make myself very accessible. And like I always end all of my episodes, I pray for you every day. May the Lord bless you and keep you and share these episodes. I do hope you find value in them. I love doing them. And I hope to see you in our next episode, which is another Dementia Caregiver Support in Action episode.
