How To Reframe Dementia Caregiving From Frustration To Fun
When caring for a loved one with dementia, our instinct is often to correct, guide, or keep them on track. But what if the best way to connect wasn’t about following the rules—but breaking them?
In Episode 230, we explore how letting go of structure and embracing playfulness can create meaningful moments of joy, connection, and peace in dementia caregiving.
Throwing Out the Rulebook in Dementia Care
Helen, a caregiver for her sister with dementia, was struggling with how to engage in ways that felt meaningful. She worried about doing things the “right” way and not overstepping as a supportive family member.
The biggest shift she learned?
The rules don’t matter.
✔️ Dementia changes how the brain works—forcing a loved one to follow rules can create frustration.
✔️ Instead of focusing on “right” and “wrong,” focus on engagement and enjoyment.
✔️ Repetition is okay—using the same game or activity over and over still brings joy.
When Helen stopped worrying about rules and started having fun, everything changed.
Playing Games the Dementia-Friendly Way
Most games have rules—but in dementia caregiving, the goal isn’t to win—it’s to connect.
💡 Instead of this: “Mom, you have to play like this.”
✨ Try this: “Let’s do whatever makes you happy with these pieces!”
One powerful moment in the episode involved playing Uno—but without the rules.
👥 What happened?
🔹 Everyone played in their own way, without correcting each other.
🔹 The focus shifted from “winning” to simply enjoying time together.
🔹 The experience became fun, not stressful.
This approach works with any game, puzzle, or activity—the key is to let go of the outcome and simply be present.
Capturing These Precious Moments
Dementia caregiving is filled with hard moments, but also beautiful ones.
📸 One tip from this episode: Record small joyful moments. Take videos or photos of your loved one laughing, singing, or playing. These moments might not seem big now, but later, they’ll be a treasure for your family.
Finding Joy in the Little Moments
Dementia caregiving isn’t about following the rules—it’s about creating meaningful connections. When you let go of expectations and focus on joy, laughter, and presence, caregiving becomes less stressful and more fulfilling.
Forget the rules, embrace the moment, and cherish the time you have with your loved one. Those small moments of joy will become the memories you hold onto forever.
Read More:
What Is The Burden Of Dementia Caregiving Really? Decision Fatigue
How To Let Go Of Dementia Caregiver Guilt and Shame
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Transcript
Caregiving with Joy
[0:00] When we care for someone with dementia, our instinct is to correct, to guide, or to help them follow the rules. But what if I told you the most powerful thing you can do is throw the rules out the window and just have fun? In this episode of Live Dementia Caregiver Support in Action, I’ll show you how shifting your perspective can create moments of joy, connection, and peace. Even in some of the hardest seasons of caregiving. Listen to Helen, who is learning how to support her sister who is living with dementia and create connection with her by throwing the rules of the games out of the window. Hey, Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregivers Support for Christians, the podcast where I teach Bible-believing Christians how to think differently about dementia caregiving. If you are a Christian spouse, the adult child, or a family member of a person living with dementia, and you want more clarity.
[1:11] Less stress, and you want to provide better care, this podcast is for you. Here we will provide you with practical solutions, hope and encouragement, and all through a biblical lens. Did you know that it is yet again still time for our next free workshop? In this free workshop, we talk about three ways that you can make your caregiving journey easier. It is a two-hour workshop. It is extremely interactive with a community, and I guarantee you, you will walk away with your very next step and clarity about what you need to focus on next. This next workshop is coming up on March the 8th at 12 p.m. Eastern, and the link is in the show notes, or you can go to our website, thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash WSL. Please don’t wait anymore. If you haven’t been to one of these free workshops, you get to interact with me. We get to communicate and I guarantee you it is not a waste of your time.
[2:31] So check it out in the link in the show notes at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash WSL. And we can see how we can support you in your dementia caregiving journey.
[2:49] Helen, let’s set a goal for today. Let’s say it’s about six months from now and your caregiving is easier or you’re helping your brother-in-law is easier. What does that look like for you? What do you think is the barrier for you?
Navigating Family Dynamics
[3:02] Do you think it’s like getting everybody in the family on board on the same place? Or is it your own stress related to what’s going on with your sister or just not knowing what to do? What would you say is your biggest problem, your biggest struggle? Just not know what to do, I think. Okay. Because, you know, my brother-in-law and their daughter has more say than I do.
[3:23] So it’s just kind of hard to know. It’s hard to know. I don’t want to overstep them. Okay. Do you feel like you’ve been doing that? Not so far, no. Okay. So you’re doing a good job balancing that. You’re in a unique position in that you’re not the primary decision maker, but you’re a support person around your sister. Helen, let’s set a goal for today. Let’s say it’s about six months from now and your caregiving is easier or you’re helping your brother-in-law is easier. What does that look like for you? So since the last time you were here, which is about a month ago, what has changed or what’s become harder for you with your sister?
[4:00] Okay. The last time I was over there, I don’t know, it was after you had to meet me last time. But again, music is a big part. If I can distract her from thinking, you know, something, whatever she’s thinking about, music seems to help. So that’s the fun thing about these kind of games that you do with your sister. So you’re at a unique time in your life. OK, I want you to reframe a little bit games and what the meaning or the purpose of games are in your sister’s
Reframing Games and Engagement
[4:28] specific perspective right now. Right. It’s to get her engaged. It’s not necessarily to follow rules. It’s not necessarily to be right or wrong. It is just the physical act of engaging because it’s more about the social interaction with her and encouraging her to participate and be in the moment. So you can legitimately use the exact same games over and over again.
[4:54] And whatever, like, have fun. Just whatever she does is okay. Don’t try to, like, make it right or wrong or follow the rules of the game. And when you do that, it creates this absolute moment of joy. I went on a dementia-supported cruise, and this was one of the biggest light switch moments for me in changing how I think about helping people living with dementia. And it was playing a card game, Uno, or we had a deck of Uno cards, I should rather say. And I don’t know how to play Uno and we needed to play a game of cards. So I just dealt the cards and we just, everybody’s like, well, you can’t look at my cards. And I’m like, I won’t look at your cards. And then the first round is like, I don’t know what to do. And then everybody’s showing me their cards. And I’m like, well, what do you think? And then, well, I think this one. And we just played. We just played. There were absolutely no rules. And it was the best experience to just be there in the moment and not try to correct or guide or, you know, follow the rules the way the rules are set. So when you’re interacting with your sister, that’s what I want you to create. Those moments of joy.
[6:07] Just have fun. Whatever the game is, whatever she does with it, just go with it and just enjoy it. Like the checkers, like I love the idea that you said of just knocking them over, right? So, you know, just put the stuff out there and see if she starts putting them in, you know, a hole, whatever. Just go with the flow. When we are working around people who are struggling
Creating Moments of Joy
[6:31] in that way, our tendency is always to try to correct because we know the rules. We know the right and wrong. But throw the rules out of the window and just have fun with your sister. You do such a, such a good job with her. And I love that you are willing to continue to learn how you can support her. And then just because I recently had a conversation with somebody about this, if you have your cell phone with you, take some videos of you, like while she’s enjoying herself, because those are not things that your brother-in-law or your nieces and nephews, if they’re around his daughter, right? They may not be thinking about taking some video of her engaged and actually having fun because we’re so focused on the day-to-day. So you don’t even need to tell them. Just take a couple of videos of her having fun, talking, telling stories, and then one day when she’s no longer here, you can give them to them.
Building Community Support
[7:27] People who are really benefiting from the community are the people who joined earlier on before they need it and that have been active and are participating in the community because then they already know what questions to ask and they have a place to come and they’re not constantly wondering, what do I need to do? How do I need to do it? So people listening are interested in tapping into or learning about the community. I’d invite you to just go to the website, thinkdifferentdementia.com. There’s a link for you to schedule a 20-minute call there’s no pressure i’ll serve you regardless of whether you join the community or not but it is a way for you to take this relationship a little deeper a little bit more hands-on support because really the research also shows it’s longitudinal support over time absolutely yeah for sure i would highly recommend lizette she’s awesome i see i appreciate that endorsement you are well thank you everybody for listening today. And as I try to remember my, I try to remember, I don’t always remember. May the Lord bless you and keep you and come back and listen some more. I’m hoping to do more of these coaching style episodes. So come back in and check us out. And thank you for being here today.
