How To View The World’s Lies About Dementia Biblically (Part 2)
In Episode 247, we uncovered five common lies that trap caregivers early in their dementia journey—about identity, dignity, and purpose. But the enemy doesn’t stop there. Once you’re deep into caregiving, the lies get sneakier.
In Episode 249, we expose five more dangerous lies Christian dementia caregivers often believe—lies that lead to guilt, fear, and exhaustion—and we counter them with God’s truth.
Lie #6: “If they forget it, it doesn’t matter.”
This lie says that if your loved one doesn’t remember a moment, then it wasn’t meaningful.
But here’s the truth:
💛 Love and connection are more powerful than memory.
Just like we pour love into babies who don’t remember it—your care, presence, and prayers still matter, even when your loved one forgets.
Lie #7: “Facility placement is inevitable.”
It’s true that many with dementia will eventually need 24-hour care.
But it’s a lie to say that care must happen in a facility.
🏠 With prayer, planning, and support, many families successfully care for loved ones at home.
Placement is a decision—not a destiny. And only you, not the healthcare system, can make that decision in faith and wisdom.
Lie #8: “Therapeutic lying is the only way to handle tough conversations.”
This is a hard one. For years, therapeutic lying (like saying “your husband’s at work” when he’s passed away) was common practice.
But Scripture calls us to speak the truth in love.
That’s why we now teach therapeutic truth-telling—a biblical, gentle approach that validates emotions while honoring God’s truth. (Check out Episodes 213 and 237 for more on this.)
Lie #9: “You’re stuck. You have no choice.”
It’s easy to feel trapped. But the truth is:
✅ You do have a choice.
You may choose to be the hands-on caregiver—or not.
Your calling may be to manage care, provide support, or make hard decisions from a distance.
Either way, you’re not stuck. You’re called.
Lie #10: “It doesn’t matter how I think about dementia—it’s devastating either way.”
This lie steals peace.
🧠 But the truth is, your mindset shapes your experience.
Romans 12:2 reminds us to be “transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
When you view dementia caregiving through a biblical lens, everything changes. You shift from tragedy to purpose. From fear to peace.
Think Differently. Live Purposefully. Care Biblically.
These 10 lies (from Episodes 247 & 249) are heavy—but they’re not the end of the story.
God has equipped you for this. He’s walking with you. And He’s inviting you to think and care differently.
🎧 Tune in to Episode 249 to hear how each lie is dismantled by Scripture—and how to take the next step forward with truth and grace.
Join our monthly free workshop!
“How To Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress In 3 Easy Steps”
Transcript
[0:00] In episode 247, we walked through the first five lies that the world tells us about dementia, the ones that really hit us early on, the lies about the person’s identity,
Introduction to Dementia Lies
[0:14] their dignity, and whether any of this has any purpose. If you have missed it, go back and listen to episode 247. It sets the foundation for what we are talking about today, because once you’re deep into the caregiving journey, these lies don’t stop. They just get sneakier. Lies about the decisions you’re making, the guilt you carry, even whether truth still matters. And maybe the biggest one, the lie that this will never feel peaceful. But here’s what I do know. When you start to believe what God says instead, everything starts to shift.
[0:55] If you are a Christian and you are struggling with God’s sovereignty or God’s providence, reach out to me. I will have a conversation happily with you about God’s providence and God’s sovereignty and help you along in your journey. If you are struggling as a family caregiver and you’re ready for a little bit more support, hop on a Care Companion success call with me. It will take 20 minutes where you will be able to talk to me, gain some clarity about your very next step that you need to take in this journey, as well as have a conversation about whether or not it makes sense for both you and for me for us to work together to help you through your dementia caregiving journey. Hey Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where I help Bible-believing Christians approach dementia care differently because caregiving isn’t random. It is by God’s design. And when we build our care on a relationship-centered and biblical model, we don’t just survive, we do walk in peace and purpose. And if you’ve got questions about your specific situation or if you’re just tired of guessing.
[2:13] I want to invite you to the next Ask the Dementia Coach monthly question and answer session on May 29th. It’s a Thursday at 6 p.m.
[2:24] Eastern. This is a live opportunity where you bring your real life questions and I will bring biblical truth and practical help. It’s free and And it’s one of the best ways to stop feeling stuck. If you haven’t attended yet, go register now at thinkdifferentdementia.com and I will see you there. My neighbor recently had a baby and I love babies. Babies are one of my favorite things. Don’t give me the toddlers, give me the infants. But when a baby is born.
[2:57] They don’t remember for the first several years of their life. They don’t remember their first bath. They don’t remember you holding them. They don’t remember all of the blowouts or the lullabies or the time you spend walking the floor trying to get them to go to sleep. But you do. And no one would ever say to any of us that those moments don’t matter, right? Our neighbor, Brianna, shout out to Brianna if they are listening. She sometimes listens to the podcast. They just had a baby. And just because the baby Titus doesn’t remember this particular time in his life, it doesn’t make it any less valuable or any less real. And we understand that inherently with children. But sometimes when people with dementia, when we have somebody we love with dementia, we forget that it’s… It’s the same thing. It doesn’t matter. And I want to be careful here because I’m not saying that our memories don’t matter.
[3:56] They do. But what I am saying is that’s not the whole big picture, right? We know that with dementia, we start to believe that if that person doesn’t
The Sixth Lie: If They Forget, It Doesn’t Matter
[4:06] remember what we said or what we did or what we shared, then it doesn’t count. And that is a lie. So today we’re going to talk about the five more lies that the world tells us about dementia and how we can use scripture to reframe each one of them. Because love, truth, and mercy, and purpose don’t depend on our memory. It all depends on God. And so the sixth lie is that if they forget it, it doesn’t matter. It wasn’t important. You weren’t important. I frequently have people say, but I’m afraid that my mom’s not going to remember my name. Well, the reality is your mom may not remember your name, and that’s okay. Little Titus right now, he’s nine weeks, eight weeks old. He doesn’t remember his name, but his mom does, and his dad does, and little Everett does. So it doesn’t matter that the person is forgetting because you remember. Love and connection is more important than memory.
[5:10] And the longer I’m doing this, moving away from the medical model.
[5:15] Moving away from a caregiver-centric model, moving into a relationship-centric model that is based on my Christian worldview and my Christian beliefs, The more and more I know and recognize that it is that connection, it is that relationship that is more important than whether or not a person can remember things. Yes, it is challenging when people don’t remember. I’m not disputing the reality of the fact that there are challenges that come along with not remembering something. But what I want us to consider is that it is a lie that the world tells us that because somebody forgets, that is the most important thing, that they’re forgetting you. Because the truth is love and connection is more important than memory. And we connect person to person. We don’t connect just thinking to thinking, right? I’ll never forget with Angela, with her mom when she was passing away. She long did not know who her daughter was, but when they came in and they loved on her and she could feel their connection to her, they were singing hymns with her, you could tell she knew that she was loved and she was being cared for. And a very interesting concept in the Bible talks about, you know, not remembering God, not remembering our sins. Well, God is all-knowing. He doesn’t forget that.
[6:43] In the sense, our sins, right? He just chooses not to remember them. He puts them out of his mind. And so I don’t know why I brought that up right now, but it just felt like it was appropriate because love and connection is more than whether or not somebody
The Seventh Lie: Facility Placement is Inevitable
[6:59] is remembering something or they haven’t forgotten something. The lie number seven, and this is one of my biggest pet peeves with the healthcare industry, is that the lie is that facility placement is inevitable, that all people living with dementia are better served going to a memory care or a facility. And the reality is that if a person lives long enough with dementia, they will need 24-hour care. That’s the reality. That’s the truth. But it is not inevitable that 24-hour care needs to be in a facility. I’m working with a private client right now that really honestly has gotten my hairs up in, you know, on my hackles up because when they went to our local memory practice that specializes in dementia and dementia caregiving.
[7:54] The healthcare providers are telling the children that it’s time to put their mom in a memory care. And the reality is that that’s not what they want, but that’s what they’re hearing the world, the health care system, telling them. And so now we have family conflict because one of the sons wants to take care of his mom at home, has the ability and the means and the financial resources are available to provide for that care at home. But because the health care system says put her in a facility, the other brothers believe that that needs to possibly be the solution. And it’s not up to the health care provider to determine that. That is up to us. It’s not inevitable. It is a flat-out lie. The truth is if they live long enough, if the person lives long enough with dementia, they will need 24-hour care. But that doesn’t mean that it has to be in a facility. I have seen plenty of people navigate dementia well at home with only family caregiver support, no paid caregivers. Is it doable? Yes. Does it take more than one person? Absolutely.
[8:57] It is absolutely doable, but there are ways that we can make it easier. And that’s one of the things that I’m working with people on right now. And actually, this is a good time to talk about that because the next cohort will be starting on May the 20th. On May the 20th, I will be doing the Contented Christian Caregiver Blueprint. It is a short eight-week way of actually planning your whole entire caregiving journey. So, and in that, we talk about facility placement and what that would look like for a person. Right now, this is the second cohort I’m taking through because I want to hone this. I want to make it a practical tool. Tool for people to be able to use. The investment is only $147. Each time I do it, I’m going to be increasing the price, but it is a small group of people that I’m taking through a process to actually plan out their whole entire dementia journey. So no, facility placement is not inevitable. That is a lie. God will give you wisdom for your unique situation, but God also gives you means.
[10:10] And some of the means that God is granting people now is access to biblically oriented tools for relationship-centered care. So if you’re interested in this, I will have the link for you to sign or shoot me an email at lisette at thinkdifferentdementia.com and I will send you the link to register for the eight-week live. You’ll sit in a room with me and I will help you problem solve your specific challenge related to being able to make wise decisions.
The Eighth Lie: Therapeutic Lying is the Only Way
[10:42] So use the means that God is granting you in order to be able to make this journey easier for you. The eighth lie is therapeutic lying is the only way to do it. So here is a confession. For years and years, I did use therapeutic lying because therapeutic lying works. And I was challenged by a pastor to say, he told me, you serve a God of truth. There needs to be some sort of truth that you can speak into that particular situation because the technique therapeutic lying is literally telling a bold-faced, flat-out lie. For example.
[11:25] I want to go home. Well, the, or a better one, not I want to go home. Where is so-and-so, you know, a person who has passed away, a husband or a wife who has passed away? And the therapeutic lie is always to not tell them that the person has passed away, but to make up the story as to where that person would be. Are they, oh, they’re just at work. Oh, they’ve just gone to the store. Not basing it on any reality at all, no basis in truth at all. But the reality is God calls us to speak the truth in love and we can. And so I started to teach people what I call therapeutic truth-telling. And therapeutic truth-telling is where we speak the truth in love and that we find a way of reframing what that person believes by validating what they believe and not you lying to them. And so, for example, I want to go home. You ask a open-ended question, where is home? Or tell me about home. And then get the person to provide you with the information. And then you validate what they have said. You validate their emotions. You meet them in their reality. And I know it seems like it’s parsing words, but it really isn’t because therapeutic
The Ninth Lie: You’re Stuck, You Have No Choice
[12:50] lying teaches you to actually fabricate the truth.
[12:54] Like, I’m making up a truth. I’m making up a bold-faced lie to to placate and keep that person from becoming upset because that is what they believe. The difference is I am not lying. I am only validating what that person is supplying me. So if they say, well, my husband is at work, I’m not going to correct them and tell them, oh, your husband is passed away. I’m going to say, oh, well, that’s great. Or, well, we’ll see him later. So I’m not going to flat out lie. And that is what therapeutic lying does. It is a flat out lie. So what I’d love you to encourage you with is listening to an episode on therapeutic truth telling. I’d invite you to listen to episode 237, Is Therapeutic Lying in Dementia Caregiving the Right Decision? And then there’s another one. It’s 213, Essential Tips How to Communicate with Your Loved One with dementia without lying. So that is a bold-faced lie.
[14:02] So lie number nine that we’re going to talk about is that we get told you’re stuck in this. You have no choice. People honestly believe that they do not have a choice in caregiving. And guess what? I think that is a big fat lie. We do have a choice. Caregiving is a choice and this is a very unpopular perspective to have. Sometimes we have siblings who are frustrated and annoyed because their siblings
The Tenth Lie: It Doesn’t Matter What I Think
[14:32] are not helping in caregiving and those caregivers.
[14:36] Those siblings have made a choice to not be a caregiver. You do have a choice. It’s not a popular topic to talk about. If you have stepped up to the plate and you are active in the caregiving journey, if you’re not just reluctantly being dragged along kicking and screaming and you are navigating this on a biblical perspective with intention and looking at your own sanctification and your own journey as a believer, then it is a calling. Now what I want to be very careful to say is that it doesn’t mean that you necessarily are the hands-on caregiver. We do have a choice. We can make a decision to choose not to be the hands-on caregiver. I will use myself as an example. I am a Christian. I have lots of faults, and I’m certainly a sinner, but I am a professing believer and my dad is a professing atheist. And my husband and I have prayed about this. He is a pastor. We have talked about this extensively. We are willing to help my dad and we are his caregivers, but we are also very aware that we cannot be the physical hands-on 24-hour caregivers because a of the spiritual component between my dad and me because of him being a very angry atheist.
[16:05] And yes, I have taken steps. I have very strategically taken steps to ensure that my dad will be provided care, but it will not be provided by me. I will be the decision maker. I will support him. I will love him, but I cannot take on the responsibility of being the 24-hour caregiver. I did have a choice and I made that choice. It was not an easy decision, but it is a choice.
[16:32] Now, my calling as a caregiver is to ensure that he is being taken care of and that I embrace wholeheartedly. But I want to make very clear that if you are listening and you feel like you do not have a choice, I would like to encourage you to think through it because you do.
[16:51] It means that you have to make other decisions, but you do have a choice. Caregiving when done right is a calling. Caregiving when done wrong is feeling like you have no choice. And so if you do feel stuck, if you feel like you do not have a choice, I’m going to invite you to come to the Contented Christian Caregiver Blueprint because that may help you see what your choices are, what the opportunities are that you have. But remember, God prepared you for this particular path. Now, lie number 10 is, it doesn’t matter what I think about dementia, it’s going to be devastating, right? The lie that the world tells us is that it is doom and gloom. It is woe is me. It is terrible. It is devastating. It’s a tragedy. The lie is that we can control our thoughts. How you think about your caregiving journey is 100% going to give you the results that you get. You’re either going to have a very difficult journey because you believe the lie that it is devastating, it’s the worst death ever, there’s nothing worse than this, it’s awful, all of these things, these lies.
[18:06] These 10 lies that the world tells us. But the reality is we are commanded to, in essence, think God’s thoughts after him. Romans 12 verse 2 says, And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. We are commanded to think like Christ, think like God, think His thoughts in essence after Him. We are to lament. We are to cry with those who cry. We are to grieve with those who grieve. We’re to enjoy and be joyful with those who are joyful, but our reality is that we are supposed to think biblically about caregiving and biblically about dementia. And as long as you are thinking the world’s thoughts of it’s terrible.
[19:03] There’s no purpose, they’re losing their autonomy, it’s the worst thing ever, you will be struggling. And so if you are struggling, yet again, I have the Ask the Dementia Coach monthly meetup. It is going to be on May the 29th. It’s a Thursday. I would love for you to come and participate. It does become content for this podcast, but we can really look at it very quickly and in about 10 to 15 minutes and work on starting to think differently about your dementia and dementia caregiving journey.
[19:38] So to recap today’s five lies, lie number six is if they forget, it doesn’t matter, right? And we want to remember that love connection is more important than whether or not somebody is remembering something or not forgetting, right? Lie number seven is facility placement is inevitable. That is a bold-faced lie. The reality is if the person lives long enough, 24-hour care is inevitable, but not necessarily facility placement. Lie number eight is therapeutic truth-telling is the right way to do this, and that is a bold-faced lie. Go listen to episodes 213 and 237, where we talk about therapeutic truth-telling. That’ll help reframe it for you. Lie number nine is you’re stuck and you have no choice. I want to totally debunk that. You do have a choice. They may be limited choices, but you do have choices. And so if you’re struggling with that, please reach out to me. And then the tenth lie is it doesn’t matter what you think about dementia because the reality is what you think about this process will give you the result of the journey. And if you think it’s devastating, if you think it’s a tragedy, if you think it’s the worst death ever, it’s not. That was Christ on the cross. Death is death. Death is what we are constantly fighting.
[21:01] Death is the wages of sin. And so dementia is not the worst death ever. Death is the worst death ever. And Christ’s death on the cross was the worst death ever because he was innocent. He is the only one that did not deserve to die. So on that note, I want to encourage you to start to really think biblically about your caregiving journey, to think biblically about how you want to navigate your dementia caregiving journey. And as I try to end all of my episodes and woefully forget so many times, may the Lord bless you and keep you. If you like these episodes, please subscribe, share them with one other family caregiver to make this journey easier for you. As a Christian, we can make it easier. It does not need to consume your life. God gives us means. Thank you for listening, and I will see you in our next episode.
