How to Provide Your Loved One The Best Support
Have you ever thought about how many decisions go into something as simple as brushing your teeth?
For dementia caregivers, these micro-decisions highlight the challenges their loved ones face daily.
In this live coaching session, we explore practical strategies to help caregivers support loved ones with cognitive impairments while maintaining their own well-being.
Understanding Micro-Decisions
Brushing your teeth may seem simple, but it involves countless micro-decisions:
– Recognizing the need to brush.
– Locating the toothbrush and toothpaste.
– Applying the right amount of toothpaste.
– Brushing each area for the correct duration.
These steps are automatic for most people, but for those with dementia, cognitive impairments disrupt even habitual activities.
This episode emphasizes the importance of breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps to guide your loved one through daily routines.
The “Do It By Myself, Do It With Help, Do It For” Framework
A key takeaway from the coaching session is the “Do It By Myself, Do It With Help, Do It For” framework. As cognitive abilities decline, loved ones move through these stages:
1. Do It By Myself: They can complete tasks independently but may start skipping steps.
2. Do It With Help: They need guidance to ensure quality and safety.
3. Do It For: Caregivers take over as the individual can no longer perform the task.
Recognizing these transitions helps caregivers adapt their support and maintain their loved one’s dignity.
Practical Tips for Caregivers
1. Break Down Instructions
Provide clear, step-by-step guidance for tasks. For example, instead of saying, “Brush your teeth,” say, “Pick up the toothbrush. Now put toothpaste on it.”
2. Adjust Expectations
Understand your loved one’s cognitive processing level. Comparing their abilities to developmental stages, like those of a child, can help caregivers set realistic expectations without diminishing respect.
3. Use Visual and Written Prompts
Write out simple instructions or use pictures to help your loved one remember routines, especially during challenging times like sundowning.
The Value of Early Support
This episode also highlights the importance of joining a caregiver support community early. Those who engage before they face major challenges are better equipped with the knowledge and resources they need.
Whether it’s sharing experiences or accessing coaching sessions, support networks provide invaluable guidance and encouragement.
A Call to Reflect
Are you noticing your loved one struggling with routines they once managed effortlessly?
This episode invites caregivers to approach these challenges with patience and creativity, breaking tasks into manageable steps and seeking community support.
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Transcript
[0:00] Hey Christian caregiver, welcome back to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where we teach Bible-believing Christians how to make dementia care
Introduction to Live Coaching
[0:10] easier today, while also helping you focus on tomorrow. Today you get a special glimpse into a live coaching session with a client of mine. Every now and then, I offer these one-on-one sessions to my community members in order for me to catch up and have my finger on the pulse of how they are coping with their dementia caregiving journey. So let’s listen to a live coaching episode on… Just think about brushing your teeth. All of the decisions, which is an activity we all do without even thinking, right? But just think about brushing your teeth, all of the many decisions that you have made in order to go brush your teeth. You have to recognize you’ve got to brush your teeth.
[1:00] You’ve got gunk on your, you know. Then you’ve got to make the decision to walk into the bathroom. You have to get your toothbrush. You have to locate it. You have to find the toothpaste. You have to uncap the toothpaste. You have to know how much toothpaste to put on the toothbrush. You have to know how long to brush, where to brush. You’ve got to flip your hand around all of this different stuff. You have to recognize that it’s been long enough, that your teeth are actually clean. Then you have to swish and spit and rinse your mouth,
The Complexity of Simple Tasks
[1:33] take the toothbrush, clean it. All of those are decisions that we are making routinely that we don’t even think about. And that is just brushing your teeth. So what about habits? Do they lose the memory of habits? habits stay retained for much longer.
[1:55] Right? Because it’s a habit. So brushing your teeth is a very habitual thing. But what I’m trying to show you guys is even in a habitual thing, how many micro decisions we’re making all of the time that we have no awareness that we’re doing. So it’s subconsciously we’re doing it. So I know that you’ve been around kids.
[2:21] I’m not saying that he is like a child. I do not want you to hear that. But the reality is. It is. He is. Brain is processing information in the manner of a what age. Would you say that he, you know, you mentioned nine-year-old grandkids.
[2:41] Would you say he’s better or worse than those nine-year-olds? Of course. Okay, so we know that you can see that he is not thinking as well as a nine-year-old.
Understanding Cognitive Changes
[2:57] So where is that? And then the follow-up questions for you have to be, if he’s thinking at that, if he’s perceiving the world in that manner, What would I expect of that stage in that child’s development? Because what I notice, you know, I write down, and Patty, I don’t know if this would help you. I write down step-by-step instructions for my mother, really granular, like drink coffee, you know, get out of bed, put dentures in mouth. And that works in the morning, but I’m noticing with her sundowning, she’ll look at me and say, I don’t understand what this means in the afternoon. Tommy, I think I did this with you too, right? Do it all by yourself with pretty good quality, just starting to skip steps, middle bucket, starting to skip steps, quality goes away.
[4:05] That’s kind of where art and where mom is, right? Yeah, yeah. Tommy’s grandma is kind of moving into… She’s on the fine line. Right. She’s kind of… But right when we started, she was very much able to do things by herself with relatively good quality. Your mom’s quality is still good, but it’s because she’s got caregivers, right? Right. And so now it’s the do it by myself, do it with, do it for.
Benefits of Community Support
[4:40] People who are really benefiting from the community are the people who joined earlier on before they need it and that have been active and are participating in the community because then they already know what questions to ask and they have a place to come and they’re not constantly wondering, what do I need to do? How do I need to do it? So people listening are interested in tapping into or learning about the community, I’d invite you to just go to the website, thinkdifferentdementia.com. There’s a link for you to schedule a 20-minute call. There’s no pressure. I’ll serve you regardless of whether you join the community or not. But it is a way for you to take this relationship a little deeper, a little bit more hands-on support, because really the research also shows its longitudinal support over time. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. I would highly recommend Lizette. She’s awesome.
Closing Thoughts and Blessings
[5:33] I see. I appreciate that endorsement. Thank you everybody for listening today. And as I try to remember my, I try to remember, I don’t always remember. May the Lord bless you and keep you and come back and listen some more. I’m hoping to do more of these coaching style episodes.
