What Do You Do When God Doesn’t 'Fix' Dementia?
You prayed. You hoped. You did all the right things. But nothing changed. Your loved one is still forgetting your name. Still declining. Still needing more than you feel capable of giving.
And quietly, behind the Bible study group smiles and Sunday morning nods, a thought starts creeping in: Maybe God isn’t going to fix this.
If that’s you, you’re not alone.
Meet Emelia, an adult daughter caring for her widowed mother, Joanne. They live together, and Emelia juggles appointments, medication management, meals, and family drama—all while helping raise her grandson. She listens to Christian podcasts. She reads her Bible. But still, late at night, when Joanne doesn’t recognize her own daughter, Emelia lies in bed wondering: Am I losing my faith? Or just losing hope?
This blog is for caregivers like Emelia. For those living in what I call “the long middle” of dementia care—a place where prayers seem unanswered and peace feels out of reach. Let’s talk honestly about how to keep your Christian faith when dementia isn’t “fixed.”
Faith: What Do I Actually Believe About God Right Now?
It’s easy to say “God is good” when life is smooth. But when dementia storms in, that phrase starts to feel distant.
Caregiving has a way of pressing on what we actually believe about God. Do we trust Him only when healing comes? Or do we trust that He is still good, even when healing doesn’t look like we hoped?
The Heidelberg Catechism begins with this comfort: “I am not my own, but belong… to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.” That belonging doesn’t dissolve when caregiving gets hard. In fact, it anchors us deeper.
Romans 8:24-25 reminds us, “Hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
When you feel like God isn’t answering, it doesn’t mean He’s absent. It means you’re being asked to walk by faith, not sight.
Focus: What Am I Paying Attention To?
Ever notice how, after buying a new car, you suddenly see that model everywhere? That’s how focus works. What we look for, we see.
If you’re constantly scanning for signs of decline, you’ll find them. But if you start the day by asking, “Where is God at work here?” you’ll start spotting grace moments too.
Focus doesn’t deny the hard. But it invites you to notice the redemptive. Like how you’re growing in patience. Or how your adult children are watching you love sacrificially.
Each day, try this: Write down one small evidence of God’s faithfulness in your caregiving. Just one. Over time, your lens will start to shift.
Fight: What Am I Really Wrestling With?
Caregiving is a fight. But not always the one you think.
You might think you’re fighting dementia. Or family conflict. Or a broken healthcare system. And in a way, you are.
But often, the real fight is inward. Wrestling with resentment. With exhaustion. With God Himself.
And that’s okay.
Scripture is full of people who wrestled with God. Job. David. Even Jesus in Gethsemane. God can handle your questions. He isn’t scared of your honesty.
When the fight feels overwhelming, ask yourself: Am I fighting to fix things my way? Or am I surrendering to what God might be doing through this?
Finish: What Does Faithful Caregiving Look Like to the End?
The reality is: every one of us will die. So will the people we love.
But for believers, death is not the end of the story.
2 Timothy 4:7 says, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
That’s our aim in caregiving too. Not to control the outcome. But to finish faithfully.
Faithful caregiving means:
- Showing up with love, even when you’re frustrated
- Making the next right decision, not every decision at once
- Choosing grace over guilt when you mess up
- Praying even when you don’t feel spiritual
Favor: Where Is My Hope Anchored?
Most of us pray for healing. And sometimes God grants it. But often, He doesn’t.
That doesn’t mean you’ve lost His favor. It means His favor isn’t tied to outcomes. It’s anchored in eternity.
Revelation 21:4 reminds us of this promise: “He will wipe away every tear… and death shall be no more.”
God’s favor isn’t found in easy circumstances. It’s found in His unchanging presence. In the quiet assurance that even this—even dementia—is not wasted.
So ask yourself: Am I waiting for God to fix this my way, or am I trusting Him to hold me through it?
One Simple Step: Join Our Free Workshop
You don’t have to climb out of caregiver overwhelm in one day. But you can take one step.
Here’s a simple one: Schedule a “Work with Lizette” call. No pressure. Just space to talk through your season and see what clarity might look like.
And remember, dear caregiver:
- God is not a God of confusion.
- Therapeutic Truth-Telling™ is possible.
- This caregiving journey is part of your sanctification.
- You are not alone.
Keep going. One faithful step at a time.
Transcript
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, maybe God isn’t going to fix this?
The Weight of Unanswered Prayers
This is not something most Christian caregivers say out loud, but it sits heavy on your heart. You pray for healing, you hope for a medical breakthrough, and you do what you can, but still nothing ever changes.
And then the question creeps in, am I supposed to let go of hope? Or perhaps is there another kind of hope I’m missing? This episode is for those of us living in the long middle, the unresolved space where dementia keeps progressing and it feels like our prayers are not being answered. God hasn’t abandoned us. He is inviting us to let go of the hope that he’ll fix things our way and re-anchor our trust in something stronger.
Today, I want to walk you through five things I come back to again and again. Faith, focus, fight, finish, and favor. This isn’t a formula, but as some real-life questions that every caregiver might wrestle with at some point or another. Hey, Christian Care Companion, welcome back to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where caregiving, real life, and your faith collide. If you’re struggling to reconcile the losses you see, the suffering you see, and your very real faith.
Five F Words for Caregivers
This is your space. In today’s episode, it is just you and me. It’s a reflective solo episode, and we’re talking about how to keep your Christian faith when dementia isn’t fixed.
And if you haven’t yet come to one of my free monthly workshops, the next one is coming up on August the 9th at 12 p.m. Eastern.
They’re about two hours and people stay the whole time. Not because it’s information, but because there is real transformation, the kind that helps you see your caregiving differently and walk it out with clarity and peace. I’d love for you to join us at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash WSL. Now let’s dive straight into today’s episode where we will look at the following five F words. Faith, focus, fight, finish, and favor. Well, I want us to stop and think for a second. We all struggle at various times and various spaces during this caregiving season, particularly when we are in a dementia caregiving season, where we wrestle with God because we see the day-to-day changes, the month-in, month-out decline, and we are praying for our person, who we love dearly, to be relieved of this particular difficult providence and burden.
And then sometimes we wrestle with that because we feel like our faith isn’t strong enough when what we see in an earthly perspective isn’t being fixed. So today we’re going to look at things through five words. Faith. What do I believe about God right now as this particular dementia caregiving journey or this particular process that the person you love is going through as it is getting worse. The second thing we’re going to look at is focusing. Where are we focusing our attention every single day? Then we’re going to look at the word fight. Who or what am I fighting every single day? Then we’re going to look at finishing.
What does faithful finishing look like by the end of this journey?
And then five, we’re going to look at favor. Where is my hope really anchored? So firstly, faith. What do I believe about God right now as this particular process that either myself or the person I love is continuing to go through as it continues to get worse? Let’s be honest. it’s easy to say God is good. It’s easy to believe that with every fiber in your being, but it’s really sometimes hard where the rubber meets the road when we see somebody we love declining. When we see the actual ravages and the actual decline of people we love, Even though our head knows that God is good, our heart sometimes lives in the here and the now. And what that sometimes will cultivate in us is holding on tightly to the things of the earth, the things of the world, our marriage, our relationship with our spouse, our desire for our parent to not pass away.
And I believe all of these things are good in and of themselves, but when they are the object of what we are focused on, they’re not the object of our faith. And the object of our faith is Christ. Christ is the object of our faith, and it can be very hard to reconcile praying, praying for the person to be healed.
Praying for the person not to be suffering anymore, praying for myself to not be struggling through this, praying for myself not to resent the journey, not to hate the process. And all of those prayers are good and right, but what do we actually then really believe when it feels like those particular prayers are never answered? And so it reminds me that my husband and I grew up in South Africa and we grew up with the Heidelberg Catechism. And the first question and answer in the Heidelberg Catechism is, what is your only comfort in life and death? And the first part of it is so wonderful because it says, I am not my own, but I belong body and soul in life and in death to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. So, I belong to Jesus.
I know that God is good and God is good all the time. I also know that we live in a sinful world that we came into through the sin of one man, Adam, and we are redeemed from that one man, anim through another man, Jesus Christ, and that I belong to him. And that is where my hope starts in this particular caregiving season, particularly, particularly dementia caregiving, because that is where my hope lies. That is what my faith is in a person, the personal work of Jesus.
And even though I know and I do believe that God can heal people, and I’ve certainly seen very spectacular things happen in my own life and in other people’s lives that defy the reality here we have on earth, I also know and I recognize that is not God’s typical way of working out throughout history. And so Romans 8, verse 4 through 25 says, who hopes for what he sees? But we hope for what we do not see. We wait for it with patience.
So caregiving, maybe we ask God to slow the decline. Maybe we pray for the person to be healed. Perhaps it didn’t happen. Likely.
Doesn’t happen. If a person is living with dementia and they live long enough, they will continue to have changes over time, particularly certain types of dementia, like Alzheimer’s or frontotemporal. But that doesn’t mean that your prayer wasn’t answered. Your prayer was answered. it just means that God is answering your prayer in a different way and it doesn’t mean that you lack faith because you’re not seeing what you’re asking for it just means that God is asking us to wait. And waiting is hard. Waiting is so, so very hard. And it’s always easier to see and understand what we have been waiting for on the other side of the journey, isn’t it?
Focusing Your Attention
It’s hard for us to have the endurance when we do not know how long the race is.
So the second thing that we’re going to look at today is focus. What are you focusing on? Where is your attention going every single day? So I have a question for you or a story. Most of us have bought a new car. Our most recent car we bought is an Equinox, a Chevy Equinox. And we bought it because somebody turned in front of me and it totaled the car. And I never really paid attention to Chevy Equinoxes until I bought a Chevy Equinox. Well, guess what? I see them everywhere now. I see them every single place. I see the one that’s the same color as mine. I see them when they’re different colors. I see them all over the place. And that is normal. It is normal for us to see the thing that we focus on. So when we are in a dementia caregiving journey, where we are focusing on the dementia, that is what we are going to see. If we focus on the decline, if we focus on the changes.
If we focus on the fact that if this person lives long enough, they will die with the process of dementia.
If they live long enough, they will require 24-hour care. It’s not to say that the person is going to die from dementia or they’re going to die tomorrow, but if they live long enough, it is a terminal process. And if all we focus on is that, if all we focus on are the behaviors, the medications, the symptoms.
The stress, the struggle. If all we focus on is the bad of the journey, you will never see the good of the journey. And this journey, dear Christian, has been decreed for you because it is good for you. It is good for the person that you love. And it is hard to see that goodness of God in the middle of the journey.
But I’ll never forget, I’ll never, ever forget that my journey as a believer is directly 100%. I’m not saying I’m a mature Christian. I’m not saying any of those things. But the growth that I have had as a believer is 100% in correlation to the adversity that I have experienced in my life. And it is only because of the adversity that I have been through that I am who I am. And I know that that focus on the struggle.
That focus on the pain, that focus on the decline, all that ever has brought me is frustration, fear, anxiety.
But when I focus on the object of my faith, which is Christ, when I focus on what this is forming in me in light of eternity.
In light of the world to come, in light of the fact that I am to become, through this journey, more and more like my redeemer, then I don’t struggle as much. Then I don’t focus so much on the decline. It gives me a totally different lens, like putting on this pair of glasses, through which to see my struggle, through which to see the adversity.
Through which to see the outcome of this journey for me as well as the person that I love. And so 2nd Corinthians 4 verse 18 talks about we do not look to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen for the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal this is an eternal conversation we have related to caregiving this and dementia in specific all caregiving life life is to be lived through the lens of eternity and so what can you take from that today it doesn’t mean throwing everything under you know sweeping it under the rug sweeping it under the carpet it doesn’t mean that we ignore the fact that, yes, there are daily struggles. Yes, there are behaviors. Yes, there are tasks that we need to do. But what I want to encourage you with is to focus on the object of your faith, which is Christ.
So start your day out with one truth about God. Where is God in this journey? How are you growing in this journey? How different are you today, and you should be.
Different today than you are yesterday, if you were a Christian, you should be constantly striving, constantly striving to be better, not better in the terms of the world, but better in terms of your own growth, your own sanctification, your own journey to becoming more like Christ.
The Fight Within
And just remember, God is not surprised by your struggle. God is not surprised by dementia being in your life. Now, the third thing we’re going to look at is fighting. Who or what am I really fighting? Dementia does feel like a fight. It feels like a fight from every angle. You may be feeling like you’re fighting the healthcare system. Like our previous episode, a couple of episodes ago.
270, where I talk with Anne about how to trust others and still protect your loved one as a dementia caregiver, where we talk about trust in the VA. We’re fighting. We’re fighting the decline. We’re fighting to maintain. We’re fighting to be able to do the day-to-day struggles, the tasks, the symptoms. Some days we’re fighting our own flesh, our own sin, our own resentment, our own exhaustion, our own fatigue, our own frustration. But scripture reminds us that this is not the core of this particular battle.
Ephesians 6 verse 12 says, we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but if we’re honest, we often fight with God. We ask the why me questions. I know I certainly do. Lord, why did this happen to me? Why did we have to move and have a very difficult pastorate? Why was I in boarding school? Why do certain things happen? Why is my daughter not a believer? Why me?
And often, often those why me questions, particularly for me, often they are my questions in rebellion. But oftentimes, it’s because I feel or I believe I deserve better than this. I deserve an easier life. I deserve not to have this struggle. I deserve to be able to travel. I deserve to be able to do the things I couldn’t do when I was younger because I became a parent young or whatever the situation is. Then I have to remind myself that I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t deserve a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a Redeemer who did not, thank the Lord, come down off of the cross when the thief on the cross next to him said, or when the people said to them.
Mocked him and said, save yourself.
I’m so grateful Christ did not save himself, because that means he saved me, and he saved you if you were a believer and you’re listening to this podcast. And sometimes the why me questions are not rebellion. Sometimes the why me questions are a lament, and it is okay to lament. But what I would love to remind you is the two words in the Bible that are two of my most favorite words, but God. But God. God is here. He is in this tough space. And yes, maybe he isn’t stepping in. Maybe he isn’t curing the person you love’s dementia.
Maybe it feels like he’s being unfaithful, but that is our human perspective. That is not God’s perspective. When you keep your focus on eternity, then it shifts entirely your entire journey, your entire transformation as a believer in a caregiving journey. Wrestling isn’t necessarily unfaithful. It can be, but it isn’t necessarily unfaithful. It can be very human, and God can handle it. So if you are wrestling because you’re in rebellion, you need to repent. If you are wrestling because you’re struggling, take it to God. The Psalms are full of God handling and helping people through this.
Job wrestled with God. Jesus cried out as well. And it is okay to take this to the Lord. He has got this. He can handle it. And when you are fighting, just reflect, am I fighting? Am I fighting because I’m trying to fight the system? Am I fighting because I’m not resting in God? Am I fighting because I’m not trusting right now? Try to figure out where that fight is coming from. But God already knows that you’re struggling. God already knows that you’re faithful.
Finishing the Journey
And take it to the Lord in prayer. Raw, open, soul-pouring out prayers. Then the fourth thing that we’re going to look at is what does faithfulness look like at the end of this journey what does faithfulness look like and here’s the hard truth right the wages of sin is death every single one of us is going to die every single person unless the lord comes again right now, today, this minute, and we are captured up into the heavens, every single one of us listening to this podcast, you and I, unless the Lord returns, are going to pass away. The person that you are caregiving is going to pass away.
Dementia will end in death, whether it’s the death because of dementia, if it goes all the way through the end stages of dementia, or whether it is death because they have a cardiac arrest during a procedure like my mom, we are going to pass away, right? And so what does it look like to faithfully finish this journey? And I’m not saying this to be dramatic. I’m saying this so that we as believers, we actually have the advantage over all of the unbelievers in the entire world. Who are wrestling with dementia from an unbelieving perspective. Have you ever stopped and thought about that? Have you thought what it must be like to be a dementia caregiver as an unbeliever? It must be devastating. There’s no hope. They have absolutely no hope. You might have family who are in that position.
You might have siblings who are helping you through this caregiving journey that are unbelievers. and they have no hope. That is why I encourage people not to spend hours and hours in these huge big 40, 50,000 people Facebook groups that are secular in nature, particularly if you’re a Christian. Yes, there are good tips and techniques, but what you see is the result of them not finishing well. You see the verbal vomit. You see the ugly side of dementia.
Dementia is hard. I’m not sugarcoating it. Death sucks. We all know that. 2 Timothy 4 verse 7 says, I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. So faithfulness, finishing well, faithfulness throughout this journey looks up. As showing up with love, even when things are hard, even when they forget your name, praying every single day again and again and again, even if it looks like it’s never going to get fixed, making the right decision at the right time, not necessarily all the decisions at the same time, just make the next right decision. We cannot control the outcome.
Death is the ultimate outcome for all of us, for you and for me. And Lord knows that right now, I don’t know that I’m living with dementia, but if I do, I know that he is faithful in that. And he will carry you and your loved one, if you both are believers, he will carry you faithfully through this journey.
So stay tethered to God throughout this journey. I’ll never forget a client of mine. She passed away in December. Her daughter, Emelia, and her husband, Don, he is a pastor, and he would frequently tell me that as a believer, he needed to let go of clinging to Jenny in this life and letting her go because where she was going is better than where she is or where she was. And where Jenny is today.
Anchoring in Favor
She is singing the Lord’s praises in heaven along with us here on earth. And so lastly, that brings us to favor. Where is your hope really anchored? Most of us do pray for healing. I know that is something we do. And yes, sometimes the Lord heals. I do believe that. I do believe some people are healed.
And sometimes he doesn’t, but he is still faithful even in that prayer. And so the favor that we need to hold out for isn’t that it’s going to get easier. It isn’t that this person has to be healed. It is that God has already secured your future, your eternity. Revelation 21 verse 4 says, He will wipe away every tear and death will be no more. That is the favor of God, beloved.
Not our comfort here on earth, but our eternal journey. You are in a spiritual battle as a family caregiver of somebody living with dementia as a Christian.
And if you haven’t recognized that yet, I pray for you today that you recognize that what we are in is a spiritual battle. This is a battle for eternity. This journey is a part of making you more like Christ. This journey is to be an encouragement. This podcast is to be an encouragement. We may never see this resolved on the side of eternity, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t blessing in this hard place and space. God is pouring out His favor on you right now.
He is upholding His purposes for you in this journey. Not you, not me. God is already upholding us. He is the one that helps us to persevere. He is the one that gives us peace. He is the one that gave us His only begotten Son and sends His Holy Spirit to be with us every single day. So your prayer every single day can be, Lord, give me what I need just for today, not for tomorrow. I will tell you, I pray every single day for the Lord to prepare and provide the right people at the right time for me to serve. So if these podcast episodes resonate with you.
I invite you to become one of those people that the Lord sends for me, that he has prepared for me to serve, that he has provided for me to serve. And if that feels like that is you, I invite you to schedule a 20-minute call on my calendar and we’ll have a conversation. there is never going to be any pressure from me. It has to be the right fit at the right time for the right person. But to recap today’s episode, faith means remembering who God is as your journey unfolds. Focus means lifting your eyes to Christ when you feel like you’re stuck in the mud. Fighting means wrestling with God. It’s okay to wrestle with God, and it’s okay to wrestle with your own mortality. It’s okay to wrestle with your own faith through this journey, but take it to the object of your faith, which is Christ.
Finishing well means finishing in faithfulness, showing up in love, even when it is hard, even when you’re frustrated, even when you cannot see how you’re going to put the next foot in front of the next foot. And favor means looking at this through God’s lend of eternity, even when today feels too much. So are you waiting for God to fix this your way, or are you trusting him to uphold you even when this is hard? So that’s a hard question, guys. That’s a very hard question. Are you waiting for God to fix this our way? Or are we trusting for him to hold us through the hard?
So as I try to end all of my episodes, may the Lord bless you and keep you. And yet again, if this resonates, I invite you to schedule a time on my calendar or email me. You can email me. I answer my own emails, and I’m excited to communicate with you. I’m here for you. I pray for you regularly. I ponder these episodes a lot. The Lord puts these messages on my heart. This is for you, because this is a hard season. But God, but God, God is in this. Thank you for listening, share this episode, and may the Lord bless you.
