Navigating Dementia Care During Christmas: Finding Peace & Joy
The Christmas season often brings both joy and challenges, especially for dementia caregivers. How do you balance celebrating this special time while ensuring peace and simplicity for your loved one?
In this heartfelt episode, we explore how to center Christmas on Christ, simplify traditions, and create meaningful memories, even during a caregiving journey.
The True Meaning of Christmas: Christ’s Incarnation
Christmas isn’t about the lights, gifts, or cultural traditions—it’s about the incarnation of Christ.
Reflecting on the Westminster Confession, the episode reminds us of the significance of Christ taking on a true body and soul to redeem His people.
Why does this matter to caregivers?
Because Christ’s birth offers hope, peace, and assurance of God’s love, even amidst caregiving challenges. As believers, we can rest in the knowledge that Christ’s finished work on the cross gives us strength and grace to navigate this season.
Practical Tips for a Good Christmas While Caregiving
1. Keep It Simple
Simplify decorations, gatherings, and traditions. Overwhelming schedules and sensory overload can lead to stress for both you and your loved one. A small, intimate celebration can be just as meaningful.
2. Focus on the Reason for the Season
Shift your focus from the busyness of the holiday to Christ. Pray, read Scripture, or reflect on the story of Christ’s birth to keep your heart centered on what truly matters.
3. Create Memories and Take Photos
Even if you’re nearing the end of your caregiving journey, take photos or videos to memorialize these moments. These memories become invaluable treasures for the future.
4. Cut Down on the Overwhelm
Fewer guests and a quieter environment can make a world of difference. Observe how your loved one responds to stimuli and adjust your plans accordingly.
5. Pray and Sing Together
Incorporate hymns, psalms, or devotions into your daily routine. Singing spiritual songs or praying together can bring peace and joy, even in the late stages of dementia.
A Call to Faith and Gratitude
For caregivers who believe in Christ, Christmas is a reminder of God’s love and faithfulness.
The benefits of justification, adoption, and sanctification extend even to the caregiving journey. If your loved one is also a believer, this shared faith can provide peace, knowing their eternal future is secure.
For caregivers with loved ones who don’t yet believe, this season is an opportunity to pray for their conversion. As long as there is life and breath, there is hope for their salvation.
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Transcript
[0:00] Hey Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where we specialize in dementia caregiver support for Bible-believing
Introduction to Dementia Caregiving
[0:11] Christians and make caregiving easier today while focusing on the kingdom. If you are a Christian spouse or an adult child or a family member of a person living with dementia and want to find practical caregiving solutions and Christian caregiver support, this podcast is for you. Here we make dementia caregiving easier by cutting out the stress and the overwhelm so common to caregiving. Once a year, I do a different type of an episode, and that is usually around Christmas, maybe a couple of times a year. Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year, those kinds of occasions that we have that give us the fabric of our lives, the change of season and the times.
Personal Christmas Reflections
[1:01] And today I wanted us to talk about how we can have a good Christmas while still dementia caregiving. So let me tell you a story about myself. My husband and I are originally from South Africa, and we really didn’t do all that much of the cultural Christianity in South Africa related to Christmas. We didn’t really have Christmas trees growing up. We didn’t really do all of those, Santa and all of these different kinds of things. And so when we moved to the United States, we had our kids and we started celebrating Christmas a little bit more in the same vein as the cultural Christianity or the culture. I shouldn’t actually even say cultural Christianity. I should just say the greater cultural economy related to Christmas. And for many, many years, I really struggled with this because my parents.
[2:00] Even though I should say my dad is an atheist that I know for a fact, I’ve witnessed to him. We’ve spoken about the gospel and he has an utter hatred for all things God and really believes, which is truly sad, that if he dies or when he dies, there’s nothing else. And he doesn’t have anything to worry about because there’s, you know, you’re here and then you’re gone. And because of that, when my parents moved to the United States and they made such a production of Christmas.
[2:33] My husband and I almost had a knee-jerk response to celebrating Christmas and changing how we actually lived celebrate Christmas because of this big production coming from an atheist who is celebrating Christmas, which is celebrating the incarnation of my savior. And so we got off of the bandwagon and we said no. So we pretty much went from one extreme almost entirely to the other extreme.
[3:07] For a long time, people would say, so what do you do for Christmas? And we pretty much said, we don’t do anything. We really don’t give one another presents. We really don’t do much. We don’t actually even have a tree. Now I will confess and I will own that this year we actually got a three foot, no, not even a three foot, like a one foot little tree that can be on our table just because we’re modulating, right?
The Incarnation of Christ
[3:34] You grow and change as certain things happen. Well, because of that, because of this whole situation, I just wanted to spend a little bit of time today talking about the incarnation of Christ. And so as we look at how to have a good Christmas while dementia caregiving, the first thing we’re going to look at is Christ’s incarnation and not what the culture calls Christmas, right? The Westminster Confession in question and answer 22.
[4:05] Reminds us that Christ became man by taking to himself a true body and a reasonable soul, being conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost in the womb of the Virgin Mary and born of her yet without sin. Now, why is this important? Well, if you are a Christian, you know that we are born and conceived in sin. Adam fell in the Garden of Eden by not being obedient to God’s law, and none of us can be entirely obedient. None of us can be obedient to the law. We sin in thought, word, and deed every single moment of every single day. We are not good. We are born and conceived in sin, and it is only because of God’s redeeming grace that you, if you are a Christian, are saved, right? And so why is it important that Christ became a man, took on a true body, so the incarnation, right? Took on a true body and a reasonable soul through being conceived by the Holy Ghost in the womb of the Virgin Mary and born.
[5:23] Born, which is what Christmas is about, Christ being born yet without sin. It’s important because you and I are sinners and God is holy, and there is no way to get to a holy God from where we are without the redeeming work of Christ. So Christ had to come in order to save us from our sins. That is what Jesus does. He did all the work to save you and me from our sins if you are a Christian brother or sister in Christ. And for that, I am grateful. He had to be born with flesh and blood to bring us to God. The second thing is, if you and your loved ones are believers, you have nothing to fear. Jesus finished his work on the cross and sits at the right hand of the Father, and he sends his Spirit to us in this time of caregiving to give you the benefits through justification.
[6:31] Adoption, and sanctification. So because Christ has been born, which is the incarnation because he died and was raised from the dead and is seated at the right hand of God. His work is finished, and we as believers who believe in Christ for our atonement, for our redemption, that he came to save his people, we have nothing to fear.
Benefits of Faith in Caregiving
[6:58] So what are the benefits of justification, adoption, and sanctification. And these benefits, if you and your loved ones are believers, extend to you. These benefits are the assurance of God’s love, the peace of conscience.
[7:16] Joy in the Holy Spirit, increased grace, and perseverance of of the faith, which means you can be assured even in your caregiving journey that God loves you. You can have peace with God through Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit gives you joy. You have increased grace and you will persevere in your faith all the way through to when God calls you home. So even though you are navigating a dementia caregiving journey, you can still have a good Christmas when this is your hope. When you have the hope of God’s redeeming love, you have nothing, nothing to fear. And so because of that, enjoy your time with your loved person because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Not a single one of us are guaranteed another day. So enjoy the time despite the challenges, despite the opportunities for things to be easier. God will send his Holy Spirit and help you through this process.
[8:22] And remember, sanctification is how you and I become more holy and like Jesus. So we have to be grateful, as hard as it is, for the journey of caregiving and
Praying for Unbelieving Loved Ones
[8:38] dementia because it is a part of your sanctification process. Now the third thing is, If you have a loved one who is an atheist, an agnostic.
[8:50] A humanist, a hater of God, pray for their conversion because as long as they have life and breath, there is hope. I pray for my unbelieving family, not as frequently as I should, not as fervently as I should, but I do pray for them. I pray that God will redeem my unbelieving family forever. From this body of death, from this hatred of God. But I also know and recognize that I am no different than my dad. I have a very, very clear recollection when we were living in Missouri because my husband and I did not start out our lives in a redeemed fashion. I don’t remember ever not believing in Christ, not believing in God, but it was very much something that I didn’t understand because I grew up in an atheist household. Now, when I’ve mentioned boarding school a few times on the podcast.
[9:49] I’m really grateful for all of the hardship from boarding school and being put in boarding school because I believe that the Lord took me out of an atheist household and gave me to my grandmother, who was a godly woman who showed me the love of Christ through her actions and her love for me. Even though she was super prickly and didn’t ever really want anybody to touch her, she loved me unequivocally. And she is the reason the prayers of my grandmother are 100% a reason for why I’m a Bible-believing, redeemed Christian today. And I remember so clearly one day because my husband and I moved to the United States, and my parents, we would see them intermittently. We would see them sometimes in South Africa, sometimes they would come visit us. But initially at the beginning of our marriage, our life didn’t really look different to the world. And then our daughter was born and my husband was converted. And our lives radically changed then because we started going to church, we started following Christ, and our lives looked different. But because my parents didn’t see that, When they would come and visit us for three weeks or four weeks at a time and our lives were that different.
[11:10] I think my dad really thought that we were kind of putting on a show only when they were here that we were not really living in that way. And I’ll never forget standing in front of the mirror, looking at myself in the mirror and.
[11:25] Realizing and recognizing that my dad truly is an atheist and saying to myself, you are no better than him and you are no different than him,
The Importance of Grandparents’ Influence
[11:38] excepting for the atoning work of Christ. And so here at this Christmas season, we celebrate the birth of the Savior of the elect people of God through his justification, adoption, and sanctification of us. There is a hymn that was written somewhere in the 1800s by Horatius Bonar, and the words of it are extremely striking, and I’m not going to sing them. I thought about it, but I don’t have accompaniment. But if you’re not familiar with it, it’s called, I don’t know exactly what the name of it is, but not what my hands have done. So the words go, the lyrics are, not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul. Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole. Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God. Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.
[12:37] Thy work alone, O Christ, can ease this weight of sin. Thy blood alone, O Lamb of God, can give me peace within. Thy love to me, O God, not mine, O Lord, to Thee, can rid me of this dark unrest and set my spirit free. Thy grace alone, O God, to me can pardon speak. Thy power alone, O Son of God, can this poor bondage break no other work save thine.
[13:09] No other blood will do. No strength save that which is divine can bear me safely through. I bless the Christ of God. I rest on love divine, and with unfaltering lip and heart, I call this Savior mine. His cross dispels each doubt. I bury in his tomb my unbelief and all my fear, each lingering shade of gloom. I praise the God of grace. I trust his truth and might. He calls me his. I call him mine, my God, my joy, my light. Tis he who saveth me and freely pardon gives.
Practical Tips for Christmas Caregiving
[13:52] I love because he loveth me. I live because he lives. And so what are some practical tips here at this Christmas season to make dementia caregiving easier and for you to have a good Christmas while dementia caregiving.
[14:11] Keep it simple. Remember the reason for the Christmas season. Make memories and take photos even if and particularly if you are at the end of your caregiving journey, the tendency is we don’t want to necessarily take those photos or those videos or memorialize the death of a loved one, but it is vitally important for you to do if you are in that season of your caregiving. The third thing is cut down on the busyness. It will cut down on your overwhelm. And That in and of itself will cut down on any and all possible responsive behaviors.
[14:56] Try to keep it simple, like really, truly keep it simple. If the person is getting overwhelmed, try not to have as many people there. There are lots of strategies that you just need to be thinking about it this Christmas season.
[15:11] And lastly, pray with and for your loved one. I’ll never forget Deb. Deb is a good friend of mine who was taking care of her mom, and every single day they would still do a devotion all the way to the end of Deb’s mom’s life. My friend Angela, whose mom just passed away, they continued to sing hymns and psalms and spiritual songs with her and her joy, even in the late stages of dementia for hearing the Lord’s words through song.
[15:46] So pray and sing with your loved one living with dementia. And if you are not a Christian and you happened to listen to today’s podcast, I pray for you. I hope the Lord will send his quickening spirit and have you join me as a child of God redeemed by him in this particular time of your life. If you need or want additional support, reach out to me. I will talk to you about the gospel. I am here for you. I am here to serve you. But in the meantime, it is Christmas Eve and go and have a merry, merry, merry Christmas with your family. And remember, I love each and every one of you and I pray for you. And as I end all of the broadcasts, may the Lord bless you and keep you today.
