Biblical Hope for Dying with Dementia: Redefining Caregiving Through Faith
When someone you love is dying with dementia, it can feel like the world is unraveling—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You’re not only saying goodbye slowly, but also wrestling with deep questions of purpose, loss, and eternity.
In Episode 251, recorded just days before her mother’s memorial, Liz shares an incredibly personal message about how Christians can reframe the dying process in dementia caregiving with hope, clarity, and faith.
Using a brand-new framework called the Caregiver Belief Dyad, she walks us through the spiritual dynamics at play in caregiving relationships—and what Scripture reveals about death, dying, and dignity.
Why Death Feels So Wrong—Even in Dementia
Death hurts because it separates. That ache you feel as your loved one forgets your name or becomes unrecognizable in behavior? That grief isn’t just about brain changes—it’s spiritual.
Genesis 3:19 and Romans 6:23 tell us that death entered the world through sin. But the world has sanitized death, making it clinical and distant. In the past, families were present for the dying process. Today, many are isolated in facilities, and we miss the sacredness of walking someone home to the Lord.
The 4 Caregiver Belief Dyads
Not all caregiving experiences are the same—especially spiritually. Liz introduces four types of caregiver-care receiver dynamics (dyads) and how each one affects how we grieve, process, and find peace.
1. Spiritually Dead Dyad
➤ Neither caregiver nor care receiver knows the Lord.
➤ The experience feels hollow, hopeless, and purely focused on survival.
2. Spiritually Alive Dyad
➤ Both are believers.
➤ There is pain, but also peace. Death is a homecoming, not a tragedy.
3. Unequally Yoked Dyad
➤ Caregiver is a believer, but the loved one is not.
➤ The grief is deeper. The caregiver loves and prays while feeling a burden for the soul of their loved one.
4. Silent Struggle Dyad
➤ Care receiver is a believer, but the caregiver is not.
➤ There may be tension, lack of understanding, and spiritual loneliness—but God still upholds His people.
God Honors the Dying of His Saints
Psalm 116:15 says, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.”
Even when dementia seems to strip away faith, speech, or identity—God does not forget. He sustains, remembers, and honors those who are His.
Liz reflects on her mother’s quiet faith—a “smoldering wick” that the Lord never snuffed out. Even as her mind declined, Scripture bubbled up in ways that revealed a deep, lasting connection with God.
Sanctification Doesn’t Stop with a Diagnosis
John 21:18–19 reminds us that even in old age, even in dementia, even when others must lead us—we still glorify God through how we walk the final stretch.
Whether you’re the one caregiving or being cared for, the journey is still shaping you. God is still sanctifying. And this isn’t the end—it’s part of your discipleship.
There’s Always Hope, Even in the Final Season
Wherever you find yourself—whether in a spiritually alive dyad, a silent struggle, or caring for someone who doesn’t believe—this journey isn’t random. It’s designed. And God is not done with you.
🎧 Tune in to Episode 251 to explore how to see dementia and dying through Scripture—and how faith gives us peace even in the hardest goodbyes.
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Transcript
Introduction to Hope in Dementia
[0:00] The world tells you that dementia steals dignity, that you’re all alone, [0:06] that survival is the best you can hope for. But none of that is true, because not everything you’re seeing in a dementia journey is just decline.
[0:18] Sometimes there’s a spiritual battle, and no one told you how to recognize it. Not every reaction is about dementia behavior. Not every moment is about brain changes. There’s always something deeper going on, and a biblical worldview shows us how to see it. In today’s episode, I’m sharing a framework I’ve developed called the Caregiver Belief Dyad to help you make sense of what’s really happening in the room and why death with dementia doesn’t have to be hopeless. If you are a Christian and you are struggling with God’s sovereignty or God’s providence, reach out to me. I will have a conversation happily with you about God’s providence and God’s sovereignty and help you along in your journey. If you are struggling as a family caregiver and you’re ready for a little bit more support, hop on a Care Companion Success call with me. Will take 20 minutes where you will be able to talk to me, gain some clarity about your very next step that you need to take in this journey, as well as have a conversation about whether or not it makes sense for both you and for me for us to work together to help you through your dementia caregiving journey. Hey, Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians.
[1:46] The podcast where I teach Bible-believing Christians how to approach dementia care differently. Because we’re made in the image of God, our value does not fade with memory loss, and caregiving is not random. It is designed. This isn’t about managing symptoms or just surviving. It is a Christ-centered relationship model that helps you care with purpose and without losing hope. And if you need real-time answers on your journey, join me for the next Ask the Dementia Coach, a free live question and answer session where I help caregivers like you navigate decisions with clarity and faith. You can register at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash ask or use the link in the show notes.
Personal Reflections on Loss
[2:39] The next one is May 29th, so you still have time.
[2:45] To register for that. Now let’s get into today’s conversation, how to biblically reframe dying with dementia with hope. This episode is extremely personal for me. This is the seventh time I’ve tried to actually record this episode because it is the week of my mom’s memorial. Today is Thursday. My team needs time to be able to put this episode together, and this episode will go live tomorrow, and my mom’s memorial is on Saturday. And this has really had me reflecting.
The Spiritual Dynamics of Dementia
[3:25] My mom lived with vascular dementia, even though hers was very stable and did not contribute towards her passing away. And this particular conversation in light of eternity really matters. If you’re caring for somebody near the end of life and it feels like everything is unraveling, or if you’ve asked, why does this hurt so much? I want you to know you’re not alone. And today, I want to help you reframe dying with dementia through the lens of scripture and hope. The world says to us we need to avoid suffering. The world also tells us that we need to medicate people with dementia, and we need to sanitize death. And what I find really interesting is that the concept of death and dying is not a topic that people want to talk about. And death and dying has been very sanitized and taken out of people’s home. Kind of like 30 years ago when I was having my first baby, well, 28 years ago when I was having my first baby, having a baby at home was not an option. You were in a hospital. You were automatically, that was the choice that you were given. And what has happened over the last 100 plus years is that the normal.
[4:52] At least from a biological perspective, not from a theological perspective, because that’s what we’re going to talk about. Death is not normal. But from a biological perspective, people died at home and it was not such a mystery. We’ve sanitized death by taking people out of homes and having them in nursing homes or assisted livings or memory cares. I’m not saying everybody does that, and there’s certainly situations when it’s appropriate, but death is spiritual.
[5:27] Is our final enemy. And we feel its sting because when God created the world, he created it good and there was no death. And so for many years, as I was working in the medical model, I kind of saw these dyads and these caregiving relationships, but I was never able to put the words to it. And so there are four spiritual dynamics that actually occur in dementia and dementia caregiving, and I have not heard anybody actually unpack it in this way. And so that’s the framework that I’m in the process of developing that I call the caregiver belief dyad framework. It’s not at all got to do with what people remember or dementia per se, the brain changes, but it is about their beliefs, what they believe, if they are a believer or an unbeliever. And so today we’re going to unpack all of this because in the death of my mom, I actually recognized some of these different relationships, and I will try to give examples of other people over the years that I’ve worked with who were in some of these relationships. So we’re going to look at today in four easy points. The first one is death hurts because it separates. Romans 6.23 says.
[6:54] For the wages of sin is death, but the gracious gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord. And Genesis 3.19 also says to us, For you are dust, and to dust you will return. God created the world. He created men and women, humans, in his image, and he put them in a perfect world where there was no death. And then death came into the world through sin. Death is separation. Death is separation from God and from one another. And because of that, we fear death. Then there is an added layer on top of that with dementia, right? Because dementia introduces the separation between people earlier on through their memory loss, through their confusion, through their behaviors.
[7:49] Through their lack of the ability to communicate.
Understanding the Spiritually Dead Dyad
[7:52] And that thing that we feel, that’s not the disease process in and of itself. It is a result of our fall. And that is the premise that this first dyad lives under, and that is the spiritually dead dyad. And now what on earth do you mean by that, Lizette? And now, likely if you’re listening to this podcast, you are a believer or you are at least open to the consideration of a faith-based approach. Well, a spiritually dead dyad is…
[8:31] Unbelieving caregiver and an unbelieving care receiver. If neither person knows the Lord, it feels final. It feels hollow. There’s no anchor. There’s just surviving dementia and the dementia caregiving journey. And I actually contend this is the reason these huge big Facebook groups that lots of people use to solve their problems are so toxic. Because if you think about it, there are 40, 50, 60,000 people in those groups. Frequently, they are probably unbelieving dyads. Both the person living with dementia as well as the caregiver are not believers. And I can tell you that the result that those people get, not only because of the final separation of death because the wages of sin is death, but because they don’t have a foundation on which to understand death and dying in the normal for the fallen world, not normal for God’s created world. But they don’t have a foundation in which to see their caregiving journey and their decline, and so it is a tragedy.
[9:50] It is a tragedy. If you are a dyad that is spiritually dead,
Embracing Peace Through Christ
[9:55] it is a tragedy because you don’t have the hope of eternity. Now, the second thing we’re going to look at today is that Jesus actually overcame death, and because of that, we have peace. So Jesus overcame death, and because of that, we have peace. 2 Timothy 1 verse 10 says, but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who abolished death and brought to life and immortality through the gospel.
[10:22] But now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who abolished death and brought to life and immortality through the gospel. So Jesus overcame death because he went into the grave for you and me, if you are a believer, and freed us who fear death. He freed us. We do not have to fear dying. We don’t have to hasten the process. But if you are a true believer, you do not need to fear death. Yes, it hurts. Death and separation hurts. I miss my mom terribly. But Jesus doesn’t only just comfort us in death. He conquered it. We’re not walking into the unknown. We’re walking our believing person with dementia and ourselves as a caregiver. We are believing, we are walking towards Jesus who has already overcome death. So in this, there are three different dyads. We have the spiritually alive dyad, which is a believing caregiver and a believing care receiver. So if you both know Jesus, this is you, this is your anchor. It isn’t just about decline. It is about your journey as a believer. It is part of your sanctification.
The Unequally Yoked Dyad
[11:48] It is a part of your calling.
[11:51] Sometimes there’s an unequally yoked dyad, and this is a believing caregiver and an unbelieving care receiver. So this is a caregiver who believes, like me, but my loved one whom I’m caring for doesn’t believe. That would be my dad. My dad is an.
[12:12] Self-professed atheist. We’ve had many, many conversations about it, many conversations. So this is a very hard one because that grief does cut deeper because you’re helping, but you also recognize that when that person dies, unless Jesus and his Holy Spirit convert him before he passes away, there’s this eternal concern, right? I care for him physically. I pray for him all the time, but I know that when my dad dies, I’m going to be grieving his death in a different way than my mom’s because I actually believe my mom was a believer. And so when you have a believing dyad and an unbelieving care receiver, that brings into this both the physical component as well as the spiritual component.
[13:08] And sometimes the person, there’s a third dyad, and this is the silent struggle, which I actually believe my mom was in, related to this particular point, and that is the person with dementia or the person with cognitive loss does know the Lord, but the person caring for them doesn’t. And that also creates a unique kind of dynamic, And that silent struggle can be something that you see with perhaps your own parents, like my case, or perhaps you have friends who you’ve known for a long time who were in a situation where they too were unequally yoked, but they’re silently struggling because they are a believer, but the person providing their care is not. Or a believer who was equally yoked with their spouse, whose, well, spouse has now passed away and they’re living with dementia and perhaps the child is the unbeliever and is now their primary care partner. So this is the second thing that we are going to look at today, is that Jesus overcame death and because of that we have hope. Now the third thing we’re going to look at is God does honor the dying of his saints, period. With, without dementia, it doesn’t matter. God honors the dying of his saints.
Honoring the Dying of Saints
[14:34] Psalm 116 verse 15 is probably one of my favorite verses in the Bible, and it is, Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. And the other one that always strikes me is Psalm 57 verse 2, I will cry to God Most High.
[14:55] To God who accomplishes all things for me. Some of the other versions talks about who accomplishes all of his purposes for me. So what that really in essence says is that he finishes the job for me.
[15:10] God honors the death and the dying of his saints. So even when people who are living with dementia has forgotten God’s name, he hasn’t forgotten theirs. He is there in upholding their faith throughout that journey.
[15:26] And God sees their death as precious. It’s not wasted, and it’s not undignified. And so when we are the spiritually alive dyad, this isn’t the end of our story, right? This is the homecoming of a believer. And for this example, I will never forget Angela and her mom and her dad. Her dad and the whole family are a wonderful, godly Christian family, And watching them navigate dementia as a spiritually alive dyad is vastly different than watching unbelievers navigate the same journey. Yes, they mourned the loss of Jenny, and we still do. However, they were happy that she was with the Lord. And so that is what you have to look forward to if you are a spiritually alive dyad. That’s what you have to look forward to. you will meet one another in glory again. The second way that God honors dying of his saints is through the unequally yoked, but you can be watching that person you love, my dad, reject the gospel, and it breaks your heart that you can continue to pray for him. As long as they’re alive, there is hope and.
[16:46] Even if the Lord never saves them, God does see your faithfulness, and He will uphold you throughout this journey. The third way that we need to consider this today in how the Lord honors the dying of His saints is the person who is in the silent struggle. And that is when the believer is receiving care. I believe my mom was a believer, and the unbeliever is the caregiver.
[17:13] Their faith may be unspoken. My dad is extremely aggressive anytime you speak about God or Jesus. And my mom was a smoldering wick. She lived with my dad, and I truly believe that she believed, and that has given me a lot of peace. It was a very small faith, but I found her Bible from when she was a teenager with annotations and all sorts of scripture verses that spoke to her. In her journey as she progressed, it was very fascinating to me frequently and my husband, because my mom would constantly go back to very obscure, like you would have had to have read the Bible, passages and stories out of the Bible that nobody would know unless they actually truly read their Bible. And so she was not unseen by God. Did it change the dynamic? Was she absolutely, pristine and not sinning in her relationship with my dad? Absolutely not. However, what I did see is that she was different with me. She was different with me. She was different with me than she was with my dad.
The Silent Struggle in Caregiving
[18:21] And so that comes back to the spiritually live diet. So my mom and I and my dad and I are actually kind of in three of these diets. The last point we’re going to look at today is sanctification doesn’t stop when we get a dementia diagnosis, either for us or for them, right?
[18:40] John 21 verses 18 through 19 says, and this always, I know that there’s no proof of this, but this always makes me, think about a person living with dementia. It could have been a physical ailment. It could be both. It could be neither, right? But the Bible says, when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will bring you to the place you do not wish to go. Now, he said this indicating by what kind of death he would glorify God, right? So when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will bring you to the place you do not wish to go. And Jesus said this indicating by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when we are living with dementia, when we are the caregiver of a person living with dementia, this whole process that we are going through is a part of our sanctification.
[19:42] Sometimes it does feel like dementia is unraveling things, But it is also refining us.
The Ongoing Journey of Sanctification
[19:49] And God is still in control. He is still shaping us. He is still sanctifying us. And we glorify Him through how we receive this particular providence in our life. And so when you’re the spiritually alive dyad, and when you’re the unequally yoked, And when you’re the silence struggle dyad, because anytime you are a believer in this journey, this is a part of your discipleship. It is a part of your sanctification. It is a part of your journey towards eternity. And so consider that in how you think about this particular process. So we have four different dyads. We have the dyad where we have two believers, which are spiritually alive, and their journey has turbulence for sure.
[20:48] Their journey has difficulties at times. However, it is undergirded by God and His Word. So that’s the first dyad. The second dyad that we looked at was the unequally yoked dyad. This is where we have unbelieving care receiver like my dad and a believing caregiver like me. So an unequally yoked dyad. The third dyad we looked at were the dyads that are the silent struggle. This is where the caregiver is an unbeliever and the care receiver is a believer, and that is… Brings a different kind of struggle, and I call that the silent struggle.
[21:35] And the last dyad that if you’re in this particular place, I encourage you to reach out. I’d love to have a conversation with you about the gospel, or the two unbelievers living together, an unbelieving caregiver as well as an unbelieving care receiver,
Recap and Final Encouragement
[21:54] and these are spiritually dead. But God is working in us, And my mom, I really believe and understand, was living in the silent storm. But it was never gone. It was always there. And when we were together, it showed. But God did not snuff it out. So to recap real quick, the four points that we looked at is death hurts because it separates. Jesus overcame death and now gives us peace. God honors the dying of his saints, even in a dementia journey. And sanctification doesn’t stop with a dementia diagnosis.
[22:33] Lastly, I want to just encourage you, wherever you are in the caregiver belief dyad framework, whether you’re spiritually dead, whether you’re silently struggling, whether you’re unequally yoked or spiritually alive, know this, Jesus did overcome death, and God is not done with us. And so for that, I’m eternally grateful. If this episode spoke to you, come join us inside the Blueprint. I have a opportunity for you if you are interested in joining the Contented Caregiver Blueprint. It is starting next week, May the 21st on the 19th doors close. You can email me at Lizette at thinkdifferentdementia.com and I will get you the link for your ability to register. So as we walk this road, we’re not just doing it with checklists and care plans. We’re doing it with biblical clarity and eternal hope. And yet again, if you want to connect, go to thinkdifferentdementia.com. And remember, as I always end my episodes, may the Lord bless you and keep you.
