“I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”
One of my clients recently told me those exact words. She looked in the mirror and no longer saw the woman she once knew — just a weary caregiver buried under appointments, sleepless nights, and endless decisions.
Maybe you’ve felt that way too. A daughter who no longer feels like a daughter, only a nurse. A husband who wonders if his role as spouse has been swallowed up by schedules and medications. A family member who feels invisible in the daily sacrifices.
Here’s the truth: caregiving changes you. But not every change is a loss. What feels like disorientation can actually be God’s chiseling work — stripping away false identities and grounding you more deeply in who you are in Christ.
Clarity: Your Identity Is Hidden in Christ
Your role may change — from spouse to caregiver, from child to nurse — but your identity does not shift with your role. Paul reminds us in Colossians 3:3–4:
“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”
That means you are not “just a caregiver.” You are a son or daughter of the King, redeemed and secure. This clarity steadies you when your earthly titles blur.
Take Cheryl, a member of our caregiver community, who is now on the other side of this caregiving journey. She once shared that after months of caring for her mom, she no longer felt like her mother’s daughter — only her nurse. That grief is real. But Scripture anchors us: our identity is not in caregiving, but in Christ.
Assess: See Renewal Through God’s Lens
It’s easy to believe that caregiving only drains you — of time, friends, patience. But what if you paused to assess your life through God’s lens instead of your own?
2 Corinthians 4:16–18 says:
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”
The daily tasks may feel exhausting, but they are not wasted. God is renewing you — chiseling away impatience, pride, or self-reliance and shaping endurance, compassion, and dependence on Him.
This is where the DigniCare Method™ can help. One of its early phases, Clarity, invites you to pause and ask: What matters most in this season? What is God teaching me through this role? What roles are mine to do and what can be delegated? That simple reframing shifts caregiving from chaos into a purposeful calling.
Stewardship: Living From Your True Identity
Every meal prepared, every shower assistance, every ride to the doctor can become an act of worship — if we see caregiving as stewardship, not survival.
Colossians 3:9–10 reminds us to “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of your Creator.” That includes how you steward:
- Your time — choosing wisely between what to do, delay, delegate, or delete.
- Your energy — leaning on God instead of self.
- Your witness — remembering that even your responses in interruptions (yes, even when your parent calls during your devotional!) can be part of your testimony to a watching and dying world.
This doesn’t mean you never stumble. It means you choose to live intentionally as a child of God inside your caregiving role.
Growth: Caregiving as Sanctification
Caregiving isn’t random. It’s one of God’s tools to sanctify you — to grow the fruit of the Spirit in places that comfort and ease cannot.
Romans 8:28–29 assures us:
“For those who love God all things work together for good… to be conformed to the image of his Son.”
Patience doesn’t grow in convenience. Humility doesn’t grow when life is smooth. They grow here, in the messy middle of caregiving.
Even resentment can be reshaped. One husband once told me he felt cheated — he was caring for a wife who never cared for him in the same way. And yet, as he leaned into God’s call, he began to see caregiving as a way God was using him to look more like Christ — not a loss, but growth.
Your Next Step
So let me ask: Where are you tempted to believe caregiving is making you “less” instead of receiving it as God’s tool to renew you in Christ?
Friend, you don’t have to carry this alone. This is exactly why I’ve created a dedicated Christian caregiving community — a quiet, focused space where you’ll find steady support, prayer, and clarity rooted in God’s Word.
👉 Join our Christian Caregiving Community — For Only One Payment, Get Lifetime Access for Less Than The Price of A Nice Dinner.
Not ready to step in yet? Come to our next free monthly workshop:
How To Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress In 3 Easy Steps
📅 Saturday, September 6th, at 12 noon
You don’t have to lose yourself in caregiving. In Christ, you are being renewed.
You don’t have to lose yourself in caregiving. In Christ, you are being renewed.
Transcript
Introduction to Caregiving Journey
Recently, one of my clients told me something that stuck with me. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself anymore. Maybe you have felt that too. You didn’t plan for your whole life to revolve around doctor’s appointments, sleepless nights, and endless decisions.
Caregiving changes you, sometimes in ways you don’t want. But what if those changes aren’t all loss? What if God is actually reshaping who you are in the middle of this season? Hey, Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where I teach Bible-believing Christians how caregiving is not random and not wasted, but a God-ordained journey that shapes you into the person He is calling you to be. If you are a daughter who feels like her identity is being consumed by caregiving, a husband who wonders who he is anymore, or a family member who feels invisible in the daily sacrifice, this podcast is for you. But before we dive in, I’m excited to tell you about a brand new Christian caregiving community. For a one-time investment of less than $100, you get lifetime access. That means monthly ask-me-anything calls, a dedicated monthly prayer meeting to bring one another before the Lord.
A place for curated content that is organized so you can find what you need, when you need it, and a space to ask me questions in between so you are never left guessing. It is a Christian community of caregivers just like you. It is steady, faith-filled support. There is no noise, no fluff, no mess, just clarity and encouragement that you need from God’s view of caregiving, not the world’s. And here’s the urgency. I want to welcome 100 caregivers into this community before the end of the year. The first 100 people who join will receive a personal 15-minute welcome walkthrough of the platform with me, so you know exactly how to use it.
The link is in the show notes. And this space is designed to be very straightforward.
Lifetime access, no ongoing costs, no noise. And if you’re not quite ready for that, you can still join me for our free monthly workshop on Saturday, September the 6th at 12 noon. This is a live space where I teach, answer questions, and help you take the next faithful step in your caregiving. You can sign up at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash WSL. Either way, don’t try to carry this alone. There is a place for you here. When dementia enters your family’s story. It doesn’t just change your loved one. It also changes you. Many caregivers in our community have told me, I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be the daughter. I used to be the spouse. But now I’m the nurse. I’m the scheduler. I’m the financial manager, that sense of disorientation can feel very real. But here is the truth. You are not losing yourself. God is reshaping you in this journey.
God strips away all of our false identities and uses caregiving to deepen your identity in Christ. And he is renewing you through this hard season.
Identity in Christ
If you are just willing to see it. So today’s episode 281 is how being a dementia caregiver will change your perspective on God. And if you let it, will let you see yourself more clearly for who you are and where your eternal hope is. So you know I love my points. So we’re going to look at this in four different points. We’re going to look at clarity. Your identity is hidden in Christ. It is not in your role as caregiver, as wife, as spouse, as child. Your identity, if you are a believer, is in Christ. The second thing is we’re going to assess things, but we’re going to use God’s lens on this, not ours, and see how God uses caregiving to renew you. The third thing we’re going to look at is stewardship. How to be a true steward and live from your true identity in Christ. And lastly, we’re going to look at how caregiving is a path of growth.
Growth in your sanctification. It’s not random. It’s not confusing. It is a part of who God is shaping you and me to be, if we will just see it for what it is. So the first thing, Clarity. Our identity as a Christian is hidden in Christ. It is not in our role. Roles come and go. Our roles change throughout our life. When you’re a child living at home, you have a certain role. When you’re in school, you have a certain role. When you get married, your role changes. When you go to college, your role changes. Our roles are not static. We have lots of different roles. We are spouses, we’re friends, we’re church members. All of these are different roles, but they are not our identity. My identity is not that of being a wife. My identity is Hidden in Christ Not in my role So I.
Cheryl is a member of my community. Her mom passed away not too long ago, but one time she shared with us that she no longer felt like her mom’s daughter. She only felt like her mom’s nurse. And that confusion can be very painful, and I recognize that. However, Colossians 3 verses 3 through four, and I use the ESV, says this to us, for you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you will also appear with him in glory. So the reality is the moment we become a Christian, the moment you repent and say that Christ is your personal Savior. Your life is hidden in Christ. And you, you and me, think about Job, right? Job says, my eyes, my body, me, me sitting here speaking to you on this podcast.
I am going to appear in front of him in glory as a believer. right? So our roles will shift from being a daughter, a wife, a son, a husband. These are constantly going to shift in our life, but your identity as a Christian will not. It doesn’t change with your role as a caregiver because you are adopted sons and daughters of the king.
And so I want to remind you of that, that our identity is not in our caregiving role. It is that we belong, body and soul, and life and death, to our Savior, Jesus Christ. And that will steady you when your earthly roles change or blur.
God’s Renewing Work
And remember that it gives you clarity. It reminds you that we are on a temporary journey. The second thing we’re going to look at, and this is part of the framework that I teach people, clarity, assess, stewardship, and growth. So those are four points or part of a process that I help Christian caregivers see and recognize. But the second part of that process, it’s actually the third phase, because the first phase of this, the first thing is accepting your calling. And if you are interested, go back to episode 275 if you are a newer listener. Go back to 275 because in that episode, we look at how to know whether you are being called to be a dementia caregiver, right? So the third phase, but the second point today is God uses caregiving to change and renew you.
So another one of our caregivers in our community, not too long ago, this was probably earlier this year because her dad has passed away, said to the group, I feel everything is slipping away. My time, my friends, my patients, and the reality is those things are true. I’ll use myself as an example. We are in the middle of a very messy middle of a move between, right now we’re living between three different locations and none of the three locations are organized. And I was actually thinking of one of my frameworks this morning about, that I call the 4D method, which is do, delay, delete, and delegate, right? And I’m like, why are you not doing that? And the reality was, and this was a good and clear assessment of myself, was that because I’m living in the overwhelm, I’m not actually taking the time to sit down and delegate things because delegating takes time and it feels like I don’t have the time. So that’ll be an episode in and of itself in the future. But back to what we were saying about assessing, right?
Maria was telling us that everything feels like it is changing, slipping away. Time, friends, patience. And that happens. I recognize that because the reality is it takes a lot of effort to keep a human alive. Remember back when babies were in the house and little. We didn’t have time.
We didn’t have, our life was consumed with keeping that kid alive, right? Feeding, bathing, dressing, toileting, all of those things. And so keeping people, helping people who don’t, are not able to do things for themselves does take a lot of effort. And there’s only 24 hours in a day. And so the reality is that if you are working, if you are a parent and you’re caregiving, if you are maintaining your own friendships, if you are doing these things, yes, it is going to be a busy season. But God uses this season to teach us to trust in Him. And so 2 Corinthians 4 verses 16 through 18 says, So, we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.
As we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. So what does that mean? What does that mean? None of us are going to make it out of here alive. We are all going to pass away. I hate to break it to you, but the person you love, the person you are caregiving, is going to pass away. We all are going to die unless the Lord comes tomorrow. And Marinette, the Lord, please come quickly, right? But in this process, in this journey of life.
We are being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. And we have not been guaranteed an easy ride. And literally, Corinthians says, this momentary light affliction, yes, life and caregiving is an affliction, is preparing you and me for our eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. We don’t even know what this is preparing us for, but the things that we see are transient. This caregiving journey is transient. The person we are caregiving is going to die, or we’re going to die.
It is transient. But our life in glory, our eternal hope is in heaven, is in eternity, is in worshiping God with the saints for all eternity. But we get so consumed with the day-to-day. We get so consumed. And I confess, that is me.
Like this morning, I woke up and I’m like, I got to do this and I got to do this. I got to do this. And immediately my head was spinning.
But thankfully, I’m also reading a really good book by Paul David Tripp. And I cannot remember the name of it right now, but it’s talking about the kingdom of God. We need to focus on the kingdom of God. We do not need to focus on the here and now. We do not need to focus on today. Yes, we do need to do the tasks, but when we do feel so overwhelmed, maybe we need to stop and say, what am I carrying that I really should not be carrying, right?
The Importance of Stewardship
So these daily changes, these daily sacrifices are not lost. God is chiseling away what is temporary to prepare you for what is eternal. And so it’s interesting, when I was preparing this, I thought of the analogy of the story and it’s Michelangelo’s sculpture, David, right? He said of the sculpture or he said of the piece of marble that he just kept chiseling away to bring out what was already there, right? And so God is chiseling away my son, your son.
To bring out what is already living in us through the Holy Spirit, which is we are created in the image of God and we are redeemed by Christ and we are adopted children of the King of the universe who created everything, who created you, who created me. And this is preparing us for eternity. And so sanctification is God’s work of renewing you and me into who we are supposed to be. It reveals our weaknesses. It shows us that he is strong and we are weak. And it should remind us to focus your eyes on Christ, to focus your eyes on eternity. Which brings us to the third thing, stewardship, right? I don’t know about you, but life is a series of decisions on stewardship, and we need to steward this journey through our lens as Christians. Not through the world’s view, not through the medical model, not through a caregiver-centric model, but through stewardship from God’s perspective.
So one of the things that I teach my community is that when we are caregivers, and stewardship is all-encompassing of our whole life, we’re supposed to steward our time, our resources, our energy, everything, everything I am, I’m supposed to be living for God’s kingdom, not mine. Often I’m living for my kingdom, not God’s. And if we are honest with ourselves, dear Christian, you know that to be true of yourself, too. And so when we are thinking about our caregiving from a stewarding what the Lord has given us, this will allow you to see how to steward your time and your energy and your resources.
And so Colossians 3 verse 9 through 10 says, Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices, and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator, right? We need to take stock. We need to remind ourself that we are taking off or putting off the old self, which is frustration, anger.
Impatience, and we are to put on the new, which is the fruit of the Spirit, right? And in that process, it doesn’t mean that we are quote-unquote losing ourself in the process because we cannot lose ourself. It means that we are supposed to steward ourself. It means living intentionally as a child of God in the middle of your caregiving role. It means that every task, every meal, every med pass, every appointment can become a part of how we serve a wonderful and loving and kind king when it slows out of your identity in Christ. I can tell you, I am not immune to this. This morning, it’s ironic. Well, it’s not. It’s providential. But this morning, I caught myself getting impatient with my dad because he interrupted my devotional time with the Lord. And I actually had to take a chill pill and work on my inner man because I was annoyed because he interrupted my time, my devotions.
And the reality is my dad is not a believer. He is not going to—I’m not going to be seeing him in heaven in eternity one day. And so I have to remind myself that even though this is my quiet time with the Lord.
My response to my dad is stewardship and a witness to a dying world and to a dying earthly father that I need to be better at living for God’s kingdom and not mine, right? Not my little kingdom. And so remember, what is our chief end? It is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Even in caregiving, even in the hard seasons, I met with a beautiful woman yesterday and she lost an infant baby. And we talked about this, right? Even in that, we are to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Maybe we don’t always understand these circumstances, but these circumstances are for my good and for His glory. So that brings us to the thing that makes you and me unique and different to the world, particularly in dementia and dementia caregiving. And that is our journey as a caregiver is a part of our growth and a path of our sanctification.
Growth Through Caregiving
So I’ve had people tell me that they feel resentment in this caregiving journey because they feel like the person that they are caring for didn’t care for them the same way. So why should they give as much? This was something I really struggled with at the beginning because I’ve mentioned my boarding school and feeling abandoned by my parents and the, oh, woe is me. And I didn’t deserve this and all of those feelings and thoughts that I had at one point in my life. And then I realized that that situation, that that experience in my life made me the person that I am. And I.
From an earthly perspective, I’m okay with who I am. Like, I’m not the best human. I sin all the time, right? All I’ve sinned and fall short of the glory of God. But at the same time, I am who I am because of everything that I have experienced, which is for my sanctification, for me to become more like Christ. And so I realized after a while, and I’m saying I a lot, but what I want to impress on you is that when you look at your caregiving journey through the lens of eternity.
Through the lens of who is God growing you to be as a husband who is caregiving a wife with dementia or as an adult daughter, caregiving a dad who is an atheist, whatever. It is a part of who God is changing you to be like Him, like Christ. And so, we know Romans 8, 28 through 29 says, and we know that for those who love God, all things, all things work together for good. Those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son in order that he might be the firstborn amongst many brothers. And so all things work together for your good and for God’s glory, and we are being conformed to the image of Christ his Son so that, When we get to heaven, we can worship the King of kings and Lord of lords. So caregiving is one of God’s tools used to change you into who he wants you to be. Teaching you patience, humility, dependence.
None of these things, the fruit of the Spirit, do not grow in ease. The fruit of the Spirit grows in adversity, and we change over time through endurance, right? And we’re going to look at how to have endurance for the race in the next Solo Reflective episode here next Friday. So our growth is not an accident. God uses suffering as part of his good plan, not mine. Like when I look at the sweet woman that I met with earlier this week whose infant daughter passed away, I look at that and I struggle to see the good. And there is good in that and it comes from God’s perspective, not ours. And that’s the hardest thing for me is to look at this from God’s perspective, not ours. And so to recap today’s episode, remember your identity is hidden with Christ. It doesn’t change because of your caregiving role. What feels like loss is God’s renewing work in you.
Stewardship, being faithful in stewardship, will turn these daily acts of service into acts of worship.
Conclusion and Invitation to Community
And caregiving is a part of your sanctification. Because guess what? God is making us to be more like Christ, be more like his son. And so I want to ask you to consider, where are you feeling tempted to believe that caregiving is making you less or letting you lose yourself? Because I hear that a lot. The world says you’re losing yourself, right? Where are we tempted to believe that caregiving is allowing us to lose ourselves instead of receiving it as a tool from God to renew yourself in Christ. So if you need some additional help, if you want a safe community of Christian caregivers, I would invite you to join this one-time low-cost community that I’m growing.
That’s less than $100 for lifetime access, and it is only a space filled with Christian caregivers. And that is why I have taken this group and started this group to have Christian caregivers be together, to pray together, to support one another, and to get reliable, Christ-focused, eternity focused space for you and me to love and support on each other and otherwise if you’re not quite ready for that if you’ve not been to one of the free monthly workshops the next one is saturday september the 6th come join me in that and if you’re not ready for that i do have a facebook group called dementia caregiver support for christians so those are three places and spaces that we can hang out together, and I’d love to see you in one of those. And I’d love if you find benefit from these episodes for you to email me at lizette at thinkdifferentdementia.com. I will reply. I will answer you because I am here to serve you.
And as always, I try to end these episodes. May the Lord bless you and keep you, and we will see you in our next coaching-style episode, which is going to be how to recognize what caregiving costs your other relationships.
