3 Hidden Reasons Christian Caregivers Burn Out — And How To Stop It
Why Am I So Tired If I’m Doing the Right Thing?
You’re showing up. You’re doing everything “right.” But lately, it’s harder to stay patient. You find yourself hoping someone else will step in. Some days, you’re not even sure why you’re still doing this.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Burnout doesn’t always come from what you do. Sometimes, it’s about why you’re doing it.
Let me tell you about a caregiver I met years ago. She opened her front door, exhausted, and said, “I don’t have a choice.” That moment stuck with me. Because the truth is, how we see our caregiving affects how we feel in it.
Today, I want to introduce you to the Caregiver Motivation Model—a framework to help you understand what’s fueling your caregiving. When you see it clearly, you can start shifting out of burnout and into peace.
Caregiving by Conviction: Serving from Overflow, Not Obligation
This caregiver believes God has entrusted this role to them. They feel stretched, sure—but not stuck. They’ve made a conscious decision to step into caregiving, and they’re doing it from a place of commitment, not coercion.
You might be here if:
- You feel tired but not resentful
- You can say no without guilt
- You aren’t easily offended when others don’t notice
- You sense God’s hand in the situation, even if it’s hard
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23)
Caregiving is still difficult, but it doesn’t deplete your soul. This kind of clarity brings peace—even in chaos.
Caregiving by Coercion: Fear-Based and Resentful
This is where many caregivers start. I did. It’s the belief that, “If I stop, everything will fall apart.” You’re not caregiving because you chose to—you’re doing it because you have to.
You might be here if:
- You feel trapped or bitter
- You say yes but feel angry afterward
- You believe you’re the only one holding it all together
This lens is exhausting. It can make even small decisions feel overwhelming. But recognizing it is the first step toward change.
Remember Martha? Jesus told her, “You are worried and distracted by many things.” (Luke 10:41-42) Her heart was in the right place, but her fear and striving wore her out.
If you’re stuck here, you’re not failing. You just haven’t moved into conviction yet—and that shift is possible.
Caregiving by Persuasion: Performing for Approval
This type of caregiving is driven by people-pleasing. You’re the one who picks up the slack, over-functions, and silently hopes someone notices.
You might be here if:
- You feel crushed when others don’t acknowledge your work
- You compare yourself to others
- You’re motivated by being seen as “the good one”
Saul in 1 Samuel 15 is a sobering example. He partially obeyed God, then asked Samuel to honor him before the people. He cared more about appearances than obedience.
Scripture warns us not to serve just to be noticed (Matthew 6:1). And yet, how often do we hope someone—anyone—says “thank you”? It’s human. But it’s not sustainable.
She Had the Paperwork, But Not the Peace
A daughter once told me she had everything organized—POAs, medications, calendars. But she was still waking up anxious. Because her caregiving wasn’t anchored in conviction. It was driven by fear.
That’s why we begin with this question: Why are you caregiving?
Not to shame or guilt—but to give you permission to realign. When your why is clear, the how gets lighter.
Start With One Small Shift
Here’s the good news: You can shift. I did.
I moved from caregiving by coercion to caregiving by conviction. It didn’t happen overnight, but it started with one decision: to stop operating out of fear and start stewarding this season with God.
I’m not perfect. I still get tired. But I have peace now—and a plan. That’s what I want for you too.
So here’s your one small step: Ask yourself, what’s my caregiving motivation today?
Conviction, coercion, or persuasion?
No judgment. Just awareness.
Because when you’re caregiving from conviction, you’re not just surviving. You’re stewarding. You’re living out your faith in real time. And that’s powerful.
Join Us: Get the Clarity You Need
If this stirred something in you, I’d love to invite you to join me live:
How To Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress In 3 Easy Steps
Or schedule a private Work with Lizette call if you’re ready to figure out your next step.
You don’t have to keep carrying this alone. Let’s walk it out together—with clarity, conviction, and hope.
Transcript
Caregiving: The Hidden Struggles
[0:00] You’re doing everything right, or at least you’re trying to. But lately, caregiving feels heavier than it used to. You’re snapping at people. You’re secretly hoping someone notices what you’re doing. And sometimes you wonder if you’re still doing it out of love or just because you feel like you have to. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Burnout doesn’t always come from what you’re doing. Sometimes it comes from why you’re doing it. in today’s episode, we’re going to unpack three hidden motivations behind caregiving and help you figure out which one might quietly be draining your joy.
[0:39] A Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast that walks with you through your dementia care, bringing you peace, purpose, and God-honoring relationships along on your journey. If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only one figuring this out, you’re not. And if caregiving feels more like surviving than anything else, there is a better way. This podcast helps you to reframe dementia through a biblical lens so you can walk this path with clarity and grace. So if you’re a Christian spouse, the adult child, or an overwhelmed family caregiver, you are in the right place and you don’t have to walk this alone. And if you haven’t yet joined us for one of our free monthly workshops, registration is now open for the next workshop on Saturday, June the 14th at 12 p.m.
[1:34] Eastern. It is live and it is very interactive and will give you three ways to ease your caregiving journey.
Three Hidden Reasons for Caregiver Burnout
[1:42] You can register at thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash WSL or click the link in the show notes. Now for today’s episode, Three Hidden Reasons Christian Caregivers Burn Out and How to Stop It. Most of us remember the parable in the Bible of the Good Samaritan. It is in Luke 10 verses 33 through 34, and that section says, a Samaritan who was on a journey came upon him, and when he saw him, he felt compassion, And he came to him and bandaged up his wounds.
[2:19] Pouring oil and wine on them. And he put him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. This Samaritan didn’t do it to impress anyone. He took care of this man from conviction. Now I want to ask you a gentle question. Are you caregiving because you feel called by God? Or are you caregiving because you’re afraid to stop? Or are you caregiving because you’re afraid of what people will think if you stop? This is a second episode on this topic that I’m doing. The previous episode, if you haven’t listened to it yet, is episode 152, and it is called The Real Reasons Behind Caregiving by Choice, Coercion, or Persuasion. So if you haven’t listened to it, I’d recommend you go back and listen to it. This is to continue to fully develop this idea. And today we’re going to talk about what I call the caregiver motivation model. And what we’re going to look at today is three things.
[3:28] We’re going to look at it, caregiving by conviction or by choice.
[3:32] Caregiving by coercion or feeling like you have no choice, and thirdly, caregiving by persuasion. So we’re going to look at this caregiver motivation model in those three points. So the first thing is the caregiver who is caregiving by conviction or by choice. This caregiver believes and feels that this is something that was entrusted to them by God, and by God’s grace, they will be able to navigate this journey with everything that they need for this journey. That is their goal, and it comes from a spirit of understanding that nothing comes to us by chance and that it is God’s providence and his sovereignty that brings certain things into our lives, even when they’re not fun. So you might be caregiving from conviction if you do feel stressed or stretched, but you’re not depleted and you feel like you can say no and not feel guilty about saying no. You’re not going to be able to say no. You feel peaceful and or contented even when things are hard, and you’re not offended when people don’t notice what you’re doing. Colossians 3 verse 23 says, whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord and not for people.
[5:00] As well as Galatians 6 verse 9, let us not become discouraged in doing good. For in due time, we will reap if we do not become weary. I know we’re not perfect. I know that for a fact, but you’re steady.
[5:16] You’re steady in this season in your life because it is a season. It is a caregiving season. It’s kind of like, you know, when you had littles in the house, you weren’t sleeping. The baby just came home from the hospital and every two to four hours you were up at night. It was a season. It was a, you know, season in your life. And caregiving is a season in your life. When you are caregiving by conviction, you’re serving the person you’re caring for from overflow and not just obligation. So you feel like you have control and have made a conscious decision to assume the role of a caregiver. I’ll never forget, many years ago, I had a client and I knocked on the door.
[6:06] And when they finally opened the door, what struck me so obviously were these words, I don’t have a choice. And I actually told her, I’m like, you do have a choice. You do have a choice to be a caregiver. And when you make that active decision, because it is a decision. When you make that act of decision by conviction to be the caregiver of a person, whether it’s living with dementia or any other particular situation that we find ourselves in as a caregiver, it radically changes the outcome of your journey. And this is actually the first phase of the Think Different Dementia way that I take my clients through because I’ve realized the longer I’m doing this, if a person is not fully committed or convicted, you can use either word interchangeably, if a person is not committed to being the caregiver, and I’m not saying throw yourself under the bus, I’m not also saying that you have to be the 24-hour caregiver, but what I am saying is when you are committed,
Caregiving by Conviction
[7:13] when you are convicted that you are the caregiver.
[7:16] That changes your entire journey. So that’s the first one, caregiving by conviction or commitment. The second motivation that we have or can have as a caregiver is caregiving by coercion. And that was the situation that person was expressing to me the day they opened the door for me when they said, I don’t have a choice. She felt coerced into being a caregiver. What that kind of looks like is this thought, if I stop, everything is going to fall apart. There’s no one else who’s going to do it. This is caregiving from a fear-based lens.
[7:59] This is caregiving when you have not truly taken on and assumed the role of being a caregiver who is committed. These types of caregivers might look like this. You might be caregiving from coercion if you feel like you’re trapped, like you don’t have a choice. You say yes, but then you’re bitter about it or resentful that you’re the caregiver. You might feel or believe you’re the only one holding this whole thing together, and you may feel constant fear that if you let go, you’re going to be a failure, that
Caregiving by Coercion
[8:38] it is a failure if you don’t do the caregiving, if you’re not involved. There is a very good biblical example of coercion. It’s not quite a caregiving situation, but it is a situation where the person in the Bible felt coerced. And that is the example of Martha. In Luke 10 verses 41 through 42, it talks about, it says, but the Lord answered Martha and said to her, Martha.
[9:08] You are worried and distracted by many things, but only one thing is necessary. For Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Jesus didn’t scold her, but he lovingly redirected her because she felt like she was being coerced into serving as opposed to joyfully participating and serving. And I recognize this is not a perfect analogy. It’s not a perfect story for caregiving, but it does show that our wholeness, heart posture in serving, our motivation in caregiving does play a role. And Martha felt coerced at that time into serving, not serving contentedly or not serving from a feeling of being convicted to serve. And I will be perfectly honest with you. At the beginning of my caregiving journey, I felt coerced. I felt like I did not have a choice. And that happened. It was a part of the stage that I had to go through in order to actually assume the role of being a caregiver, where I committed and was not and became a caregiver by conviction. But right at the beginning of my own journey, I did feel coerced. And it’s okay.
[10:33] The reality is most of us do, probably at the start of our journey, feel like we don’t have a choice in the matter. But we actually do. It means that we have to do things differently if we continue in the coercion role. And it will always feel hard. It will always feel like you’re doing it from a spirit of bitterness. And when I was in this caregiving by coercion time.
[11:03] It was right when I had gone from the medical model where I was working as an occupational therapist, knowing everything and learning about how to help families and people living with dementia. When I turned into the family caregiver, the second phase of my journey was this journey of caregiver-centered care, which threw me into caregiving by coercion. And it was only after I came out of that caregiving by coercion and I moved into what I now realize and recognize and call relationship-centered care.
[11:40] Which is a Christian framework for your caregiving journey, where your caregiving journey starts with your relationship with God first and then and then only your relationship with the people that you are caregiving with and for, right? And so I know that I took this step myself. I was first a caregiver by coercion, and now I am a caregiver by conviction and by commitment. I’ve committed to this journey. It meant we made different decisions, but I have no regrets. I have absolutely no regrets because 2 Corinthians 3 verse 17 says, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And so I have freedom. I have freedom to know that it is not my job to save the people that I am providing care for. It is my job to steward this whole entire process, both for my dad, because my mom has passed away, as well as stewarded within my life and with my marriage and with my children and with starting this business and helping people just like you through this process. And because I’m a steward, this has set me free.
[13:00] It is such a wonderful, wonderful feeling to know that I am now able to care
Caregiving by Persuasion
[13:07] give by conviction and not by coercion anymore. The third one that we’re going to look at is what I call caregiving by persuasion. This is the person who is a caregiver because they don’t want to disappoint anybody or they want to be seen as the good one. This is a person who is focused on image-driven caregiving or might be a caregiver by persuasion because the person they’re helping is in the hospital and now the healthcare system has persuaded them to take ownership of the caregiving journey and they have not committed. And it’s not quite the same thing as feeling coerced because sometimes persuasion turns into coercion for sure. But this is oftentimes the person who is caregiving because they are concerned about what other people are going to think. Now, you might be caregiving persuasion if you feel crushed when nobody else notices what you’re doing. You are over-functioning and silently hoping somebody’s going to see what it is that you’re doing.
[14:16] You might constantly be comparing yourself to other people, and or you may be resentful and then feel guilty for feeling resentful. Another biblical example, and it’s not a caregiving example, but another good example of persuasion is the example of King Saul in 1 Samuel verse 15, where God commanded Saul through the prophet Samuel to totally destroy the Amalekites and everything and everyone. Saul obeyed part of the command, but he kept the best livestock alive. And when Samuel arrived, Saul pretended everything was fine. He just pretended. He said, I have carried out the command of the Lord. This is in 1 Samuel 15, verse 13. But Samuel saw through it and replied, Has the Lord as much delight in burnt offering and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to pay attention is better than the fat of rams. Then Saul’s real motive came out. He said, I have sinned, but please honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel and go back with me so that I may worship the Lord your God. He cared. Saul cared more about appearances than his own obedience.
[15:37] Scripture says, take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people to be noticed by them. Otherwise, you have no reward with your father who is in heaven. So when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing so that your charitable giving will be in secret and your father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
The Heart of Caregiving
[16:03] That comes from Matthew 6 verse 1 and then 3 through 4. And Proverbs 29 25 also says the fear of man will bring a snare, but one who trusts in the Lord will be protected. So I have a question for you. What is your particular fruit?
[16:22] Are you caregiving out of conviction, coercion, or persuasion? Are you caregiving because you believe that you want other people to notice it? These are hard questions, guys. These are not easy things, and there is no right or wrong. This is just to show us our heart because caregiving is absolutely a part of our sanctification process. And when I think of my caregiving journey, I have one purpose, and truly that is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever through this journey. That’s what makes what we do here different, because we’re not caregiving from the world’s lens. We’re caregiving through the lens of eternity. And that is what I really want you to take away from these podcast episodes. So if your caregiving were a tree.
[17:17] What kind of fruit would it be bearing? Are you quietly peaceful? Are you bitter and burnt out? Are you serving with commitment because you really have sat with this and thought through what it means to be committed to this process? Or are you caregiving out of fear, out of the fear of man or the fear of the unknown? Or are you caregiving because you recognize it is a part of of your calling and your walk with the Lord or are you caregiving from pressure?
[17:52] There is good news though. There’s always good news. You can shift. I did. I went from a coerced caregiver to a committed and convicted caregiver. I have no shadow of a doubt that I am doing the right thing. My husband is 100% on board that we need to do this because we are the only godly influences in my unbelieving dad’s life. I pray for him every day that the Lord will change his heart. And so I know we can shift. I know you don’t have to scrap everything. I know you just need to stop and look at what your motivation for caregiving is. Are you caregiving from conviction? Are you caregiving from coercion or are you caregiving from persuasion and persuasion because you want the recognition from the world that this is what you’re doing? So if you recognize or you realize that you’ve been carrying out of fear or people pleasing, it’s not the end of the world. We are all broken and we are all sinful. And sometimes we have to repent and turn towards the Lord and say, Lord, forgive me, I repent.
[19:07] And that was the error that Saul made. He never repented. He was just trying to get out of it, which is really the problem that all of us really have if you think about it. We’re just trying to get out of it. Every single sin we commit, we’re trying to get out of it, right?
Finding a Better Way
[19:22] And if you’re realizing today that you’re caregiving from a place that is wearing you out. If it’s fear, guilt, or the need to be seen, I want you to know this. There is a better way, a more peaceful way, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. That is exactly why I offer the Work With Lizette calls. It’s a no-pressure conversation to explore what’s really going on underneath your caregiving, and it is where we start to shift you from burnout and confusion into clarity, purpose, and peace. So if something stirred in you today during today’s episode, if you thought, that’s me, but I don’t know how to get out of here, then go to thinkdifferentdementia.com and schedule a Work With Lizette call. Let’s figure out your next step together. You don’t have to stay stuck. You’re not failing. You might just need someone to walk through this with you, to ask you the right questions and help you build a path that aligns how God has uniquely gifted and called you to your caregiving journey. If you like these episodes, I ask please share them with other believers.
[20:33] With other Christian caregivers, with your family. If you’re the child, the adult child, share it with your well-parent. If you are a wife who is the daughter and you’re caring for your parents, share this with your spouse.
[20:48] This podcast is really, truly a Christian worldview for caregiving and I am grateful that you are here. I would love that you would share these episodes and I pray for you regularly and I always try to end the podcast with may the Lord bless you and keep you and please come back next time for another coaching style episode where you will hear me help a real caregiver just like you through a situation that they are struggling with and through a biblical worldview lens. I’ll see you in the next episode.
