Discover the POWER of Emotional Support for Dementia Caregivers
Do you ever feel frustrated when caring for your loved one with dementia?
It’s easy to forget that their brain no longer processes information the way it used to.
In this coaching episode, we explore how adjusting expectations and understanding your loved one’s cognitive reality can help you manage frustration and improve the caregiving experience.
Why Expectations Matter
One of the most important lessons shared in this episode is understanding the “expectation gap”.
Frustration often happens when we expect our loved one to function at a certain level, but their actual abilities are far below that. The larger this gap, the harder caregiving becomes—for both you and your loved one.
For example, when a caregiver views their spouse as capable of thinking and processing like they used to, frustration quickly builds when tasks or conversations don’t go as expected.
The solution? Adjusting expectations to meet your loved one where they truly are.
The Importance of Kindness and Patience
The coaching session reminds us that kindness is key—even though none of us are perfect at it.
Pat shares a powerful realization: “I need to be kind all the time. And I’m not.” This is a feeling many caregivers relate to, especially during stressful moments.
Here are a few strategies discussed:
- Recognize the Cognitive Shift: Acknowledge where your loved one is mentally, and adjust your communication to match their needs.
- Be Gentle with Yourself: Understand that no caregiver is perfect, and moments of frustration are normal.
- Focus on Small Wins: When you adjust your tone, slow down, and stay patient, your loved one is more likely to listen and respond positively.
The Power of Community Support
Caregiving is not meant to be done alone. This episode highlights the value of being part of a supportive community early in your caregiving journey.
By joining a group or seeking guidance sooner rather than later, you can learn practical tools, ask the right questions, and avoid unnecessary overwhelm.
As discussed, having a plan in place also provides peace of mind. Questions like, “What happens to my loved one if something happens to me?” are difficult but necessary conversations that allow caregivers to prepare for the future.
A Faith-Driven Approach to Caregiving
The episode ends with a gentle reminder to lean on God’s strength throughout the caregiving process.
The Lord’s blessing and guidance provide comfort during stressful moments and help caregivers navigate challenges with greater peace and resilience.
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Transcript
Emotional Support in Dementia Caregiving
[0:00] Hey Christian caregiver, welcome back to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where we teach Bible-believing Christians how to make dementia care [0:10] easier today, while also helping you focus on tomorrow. Today you get a special glimpse into a live coaching session with a client of mine. Every now and then, I offer these one-on-one sessions to my community members in order for me to catch up and have my finger on the pulse of how they are coping with their dementia caregiving journey. So let’s listen to a live coaching episode on this Coaching Clinic Friday.
[0:45] I get it. I get this is your spouse. This is somebody who you have been an equal with when you guys got married and that things have changed. I understand that. But his brain is not processing information the way it did when you guys got married, right? And so I know that you’ve been around kids. I’m not saying that he is like a child. I do not want you to hear that. But the reality is his brain is processing information in the manner of a what age? Would you say that he, you know, you mentioned nine-year-old grandkids. Would you say he’s better or worse than those nine-year-olds? Of course. Okay. So we know that you can see that he is not thinking as well as a nine-year-old. So where is that?
[1:42] So where the frustration comes in, Pat, is when, and I’m not saying you, you, but when a person has an expectation that the person is here, but they’re functioning here, you get frustrated. The person gets frustrated. The flip side of that is also true, is if the person living with thinking processes changes when they’re here, but the people around them think they’re here and they take everything away. I think in your particular situation, there’s a little bit of a gap between where Art really is and where you think he is. Yes, I think that’s true. If we can narrow that gap, it will take your frustration away. I think it’s narrowed. I think it’s been narrowed just the last few weeks. Right. And I can tell that. I can tell that the information that you’ve been getting, because I know that you’re listening. I know you can’t always…
The Importance of Emotional Support
[2:37] You know, speak freely and participate. But I can tell that you’ve been listening and you are doing so well with helping him and you are so soft and gentle. And like the way you were with him, if you are able to replicate that as much as possible, because he listens to you. I need to be kind all the time. And I’m not. I need to be. None of us, we all need to be. None of us are perfect. Yeah, I realize more where he is. But I also think, I really, really, truly think that your stress levels tonight, like even in a Zoom room, we’re there and they’re here. It’s like that burden of just making this decision and putting, like, I get that this is going to be a crazy four weeks. I totally get it. Like, I understand that. But at the same time, I know you’ve got it.
Family Support and Care Decisions
[3:35] We’ve got a lot of people who can help. And, you know, the Lord really has blessed you with all of these things lining up and getting you closer to his family is going to give you the support you need. Because if something happens, they’re 30 minutes away. Or to me, if it happened to me.
[3:53] Right. But I mean, so the reality is, and this is the hard conversation, right? If something happens to Patty before something happens to Art, what happens to Art? Because Art could not live alone, right? So my job, my entire purpose in life is to protect Patty so I can protect Art. Emotional support from the family and community will be critical here. People who are really benefiting from the community are the people who joined earlier on, before they need it. And that have been active and are participating in the community because then they already know what questions to ask. and they have a place to come and they’re not constantly wondering, what do I need to do? How do I need to do it? So people listening are interested in tapping into or learning about the community.
Engaging with the Community for Emotional Support
[4:37] I’d invite you to just go to the website, thinkdifferentdementia.com. There’s a link for you to schedule a 20-minute call. There’s no pressure. I’ll serve you regardless of whether you join the community or not, but it is a way for you to take this relationship a little deeper, a little bit more hands-on support, because really the research also shows its longitudinal support over time. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. I would highly recommend Lizette. She’s awesome.
Closing Thoughts and Emotional Support for the Future
[5:05] I appreciate that endorsement. You are well. Thank you everybody for listening today. And as I try to remember, I try to remember, I don’t always remember, may the Lord bless you and keep you and come back and listen some more. I’m hoping to do more of these coaching style episodes on a Friday. So come back in and check us out. Emotional support is key for navigating the journey, and I thank you for being here today.
