How To Know If You Are Dementia Caregiving By Default Or By Design? Support For Caregivers
Have you ever considered that there might be two ways to approach caregiving—either by default or by design?
In this thought-provoking episode, we discuss the importance of intentionality in dementia caregiving. Are you reacting to daily challenges as they come, or are you actively shaping your caregiving journey with purpose and planning?
Understanding this distinction can transform your experience, providing a clearer path and a brighter outlook.
Caregiving by Default: Going with the Flow
When caregiving happens “by default,” it often feels like you’re caught in a wave, reacting to one challenge after another without a clear direction.
This type of caregiving can leave you feeling overwhelmed, as each new responsibility seems to arrive unexpectedly.
Without a plan or specific goals, caregiving by default can lead to burnout, as you’re simply surviving each day without a vision of what you want to achieve for yourself and your loved one.
Caregiving by Design: Shaping Your Journey with Intention
On the other hand, caregiving by design means taking a proactive approach. Think of it like planning a wedding or preparing for college—you create a plan, identify goals, and anticipate future needs.
When you are intentional in your caregiving, you set a vision for your journey. This could involve researching resources, planning for your loved one’s future care, and setting personal goals for life after caregiving.
Caregiving by design provides structure, allowing you to face challenges with resilience and a clear sense of purpose.
Practical Steps to Become a Caregiver by Design
1) Set Clear Goals for the Future:
Take time to visualize what you want for yourself and your loved one, not only during caregiving but also after. This might include ensuring certain types of care or planning for your own career, relationships, and personal goals.
2) Create a Care Plan:
Map out a caregiving plan that covers finances, medical needs, daily routines, and potential challenges. Having a roadmap reduces surprises and helps you prepare for changes as they arise.
3) Engage in Continuous Learning:
Equip yourself with skills and knowledge to handle caregiving with confidence. This could include training, joining support groups, or attending coaching sessions to keep improving and learning new strategies.
4) Stay Connected with Support Networks:
Intentional caregiving involves seeking support from family, friends, and caregiving communities. By building a network, you can rely on others to provide emotional and practical support.
Reflecting on Your Caregiving Journey
Are you caregiving by default, simply responding to each challenge as it appears?
Or are you caregiving by design, creating a plan that supports you and your loved one?
Shifting to a “design” mindset can reduce anxiety, offer a sense of control, and help you feel prepared for what’s to come.
Isn’t it time to start caregiving with a plan in mind?
Begin by considering what kind of caregiver you want to be, and take steps to transform your approach with intention and purpose.
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Transcript
[0:01] Hey, Christian caregiver. Welcome to Dementia Caregiving Support for Christians, the podcast where I teach Bible-believing Christians how to make dementia care
Introduction to Caregiving by Design
[0:11] easier today, as well as help you focus on a brighter tomorrow. Now, if you’re new to this podcast, I know that you may not believe me yet that dementia caregiving can be easier today, and I definitely know that you may not believe me that you as a caregiver can have a brighter tomorrow. But I promise you both of those things are true. And we are going to unpack that a little bit today as we look at whether you are a dementia caregiver by default or by design. Are you experiencing your caregiving journey by default or design. So what on earth do I mean by that? I want to ask you a question. How many of you guys remember when you were younger or when your children were younger and they were, you know, mid-teens, early, you know.
[1:09] Getting ready to graduate high school and preparing for college? You might have started preparing years ahead, right? You probably researched things, looked at the school that you want your child to go to. You did things like aptitude tests for yourself, or you helped your child take an aptitude test. You researched colleges. You researched whether or not you wanted to be this kind of a career path or that kind of a career path. We put a lot of time into thinking about going to college, preparing for college, developing a plan on how to get there.
[1:46] And, or I want you to consider you’ve just recently met the love of your life and you decided to get married. Well, when you decide to get married, you, and I know for some of us, it’s been a long time ago for me and my husband, it’s 31 years. I work with a couple who have been married for 58 years. So I, you know, know that for some of us, it’s a long time ago, but just imagine again that you are getting, you decided to get married, right? You have to do things. You have to decide on a date. You have to find a location. You need to find a dress. You got to get your flowers arranged. You got to make all of these different kinds of decisions. And then you show up at church because you are going to get married. That is doing something by design. That is planning ahead and doing something by design. so that you can get.
[2:40] Outcome that you want to have. Now, I want you to look at a different scenario. I want you to think about a situation where one day you just wake up and all of a sudden you recognize, oh my goodness, my pants don’t fit so well. I think I’ve gained some weight. I just stopped exercising one day and I started eating more and bush. One day I wake up and I realize and I recognize I have gained 50 pounds, right? Or one day you start a job as a career and you spent a bunch of time designing.
[3:20] Getting there, but now you start your career and you just kind of go with the flow and a promotion happens here, a promotion happens there. You maybe make a move here, a move there, but one day you wake up and you’re 65 years old and you’re at the end of your career and you never really designed your life. You just went through your entire life by default. You get to the end of your life and you’ve had a good life. It’s not necessarily been a bad life, but you just kind of went with the flow. And you wake up and you recognize that your life or the situation that you’re in occurred by default. All of us have times and situations in our life where we are either doing something
The Importance of Intentional Caregiving
[4:07] by design or we’re doing something by default.
[4:11] Caregiving is exactly the same. So I have a very pointed question for you today. Are you a caregiver who is caregiving by default, who just experiences caregiving by By default, going with the flow, just taking the next thing as it happens, as the next thing as it happens, and being reactive to your situation because you don’t recognize that you have control over your caregiving journey. Or are you a caregiver who is designing your caregiving experience and is responsive before things start to change?
[4:57] And that is the question that I am asking you today. And I’m going to do something very different that I’ve never done in one of these episodes before. I’m going to leave this episode today by asking you to really reflect back on this particular question. Am I a caregiver who is caregiving by default? I am experiencing by default, I’m just reacting to everything happening and I’m just going with the waves as they tumble over me because I don’t know a different way of being a caregiver? Or am I a caregiver by design, which is a caregiver who is experiencing their caregiving from a responsive and proactive approach and I know where I want to be when I’m done with my caregiving journey. I have an outcome that I have in mind, whether it be for my loved one, whether it be for myself, whether it be for the whole entire family, I recognize that After my caregiving journey, which an analogy for that could be climbing a mountain as a caregiver’s journey, that when my caregiving journey is finished and I reach the summit of the mountain.
[6:21] That I still need to be able to get off of the mountain, which is caregiving by design. Or am I just being a caregiver by default and I’m just trudging up this mountain and And when I get to the top of the mountain, there’s nothing left because I was a caregiver by default. Which one of these is you, dear listener? And if you are a caregiver by default, do you want to become a caregiver by design? If you’re a caregiver by design, do you have a plan for yourself related to what your caregiving journey looks like when you get off of the mountain? And let me know by messaging me on Facebook or on Instagram, whether you’re a caregiver by default or a caregiver by design. And let us open a dialogue and see how we can help support you as a dementia caregiver to become a more responsive caregiver and be able to prepare so that when you’re completed with your dementia caregiving journey,
Join the Next Coaching Session
[7:26] you can get off of the mountain. So if you have not yet taken me up on this particular offer, I invite you today to really consider joining our next Ask the Dementia Coach session. It is a monthly meetup that I do where you will have live coaching in action.
[7:48] The link is in the show notes. The next one is going to be on November the 14th at 6 p.m. So if you have some time and if you are willing to come dialogue with me.
[8:03] Join me for our next Ask the Dementia Coach monthly meetup where you can see live coaching in action and learn how to become a dementia caregiver by design. And if you like these episodes, please share them with other people who are family caregivers, specifically family caregivers, who are looking for additional support and point them in the right direction, connect them with me, and let’s see how we can put support around you. As I end all of my episodes or most of my episodes, may the Lord bless you and keep you and really reflect on today’s question. Are you a responsive caregiver or are you a reactive caregiver?
