Did you come out of Thanksgiving more exhausted than rested?
Maybe everyone else is posting cozy family photos, and you’re just praying you can get through the next holiday without snapping at someone you love.
You lie in bed thinking, “I didn’t sign up for this. I don’t know how long I can keep doing it.” And then the guilt hits, because this is your spouse, your parent, your loved one.
If that’s you, you are not alone. Many of the Christian caregivers I work with feel exactly the same way—overwhelmed, spiritually tired, and afraid of getting it “wrong.”
And I want to tell you a story about a role I never wanted either.
When You Never Wanted to Be a Dementia Caregiver
Years ago, my husband keeps saying, “I feel called to be a pastor.” I keep saying, “I did not marry a pastor. I am not a pastor’s wife.”
One ordinary workday, I get in the car and ask, “How was your day?” I watch him collapse in front of me—like a balloon losing all its air. “It was terrible,” he says.
In that moment, something in my heart shifts. I still resist. I still need time. But the Lord starts pressing one sentence deeper and deeper into me: “We need to go to seminary.”
I never wanted that role. It felt foreign, heavy, and exposing.
That same pattern shows up later with this podcast. I launch it as Dementia Caregiving for Families, mostly secular, “safe,” with faith politely woven in around the edges. But God will not stay politely in the background. Over time, He makes it clear:
- This is for Christians.
- This is for My people carrying dementia burdens.
- Put My name on it.
So the podcast becomes Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, and my role becomes clearer—and harder.
You may not want the role you are in either.
You may feel like you got drafted into dementia caregiving without a vote.
And yet, here you are. God is using a role you never wanted to form you in ways you never expected.
God Will Not Stay Politely in the Background of Caregiving
When I first named the show Dementia Caregiving for Families, I thought I could kind of “sneak” faith into the conversation—share the gospel gently, weave Scripture in the side doors, keep things comfortable for everyone.
But here’s what I’ve learned, and what I want you to hear:
God is not an accessory to caregiving. He is the framework, the foundation, the center.
Jesus calls His people “the salt of the earth” and “the light of the world.” He doesn’t say, “Be nice people who happen to be Christians.” He says, “A city set on a hill cannot be hidden” (Matthew 5:13–16, ESV).
Dementia caregiving is exactly the kind of place where light is needed:
- When your loved one repeats the same question every 5 minutes
- When your siblings argue about every decision
- When doctors give you options but no guidance
- When you’re crying in the shower so no one hears you
Many of you are trying to be faithful, but your faith is still “polite”—in the background. You pray on the side, but you don’t let Scripture shape the decisions. You attend church, but you don’t ask for help. You love Jesus, but you speak to yourself with harshness He never uses.
God is not asking you to become “that person” who forces religion into every conversation. He is asking you to stop acting as if dementia care is a neutral, purely medical problem.
This is spiritual ground. And He is already here.
Obedience Often Brings Conflict Before It Brings Peace
When I shift the podcast into a faith-forward space, things do not get easier. They get harder.
I start drawing people who like “spiritual” language but do not share a biblical worldview. Some are openly opposed to the God of the Bible. They resonate with my warmth, but they reject the Christ I’m pointing to. It brings confusion, conflict, and what I can only describe as spiritual warfare.
Every time the phone rings, my heart sinks. I dread certain conversations. I can feel the battle.
Peter warns us plainly:
“Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8, ESV)
The same thing often happens for Christian caregivers:
- You decide you will honor life, even when the world pushes for “easier” options.
- You refuse to participate in therapeutic lying, and instead you pursue Therapeutic Truth-Telling™—speaking truth in love, not deception dressed up as kindness.
- You push back against pressure to “just put them somewhere” without thoughtful, prayerful consideration.
- You begin saying, “No, I can’t do everything. I need help,” and some family members don’t like it.
Obedience often increases the conflict in the short term:
- The world pushes back.
- The devil throws roadblocks in your path.
- Even your own flesh resists, tempted toward pride, resentment, or despair.
If you feel more conflict since you’ve tried to walk faithfully in this role, that does not mean you are doing it wrong. It often means you’ve stepped onto the front lines.
Let God Grow You Into a Role You Never Wanted
I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife.
I never wanted to be “that lady on the internet” talking about Christian dementia care.
And yet, over decades—through my own caregiving, through this podcast, through the DigniCare™ frameworks—God patiently grows me into a calling I never would have picked for myself.
He doesn’t throw the whole weight on you at once. He forms you over time.
The same is true for you as a caregiver.
You might be thinking:
- “I’m too resentful to call this a ‘calling.’”
- “I’m too tired to be spiritual about this.”
- “I don’t feel qualified. I’m just surviving.”
Here’s the good news: God’s assignment often arrives when you feel least prepared. That way, His strength—not yours—gets the credit (1 Corinthians 1:26–31).
One of the core tools inside the DigniCare Journey™ is the DECIDE phase: saying an active, honest yes to the role you’re already living. Not a fake spiritual yes. A clear, grounded, biblical yes:
“I will steward this season.
A good and holy God has provided this season for my good and His glory.”
You may not be ready to feel thankful. That’s okay.
But you will move forward when you:
- Name the role you’re in
- Acknowledge that God is not surprised by it
- Ask Him to grow you—not just get you through it
That’s where contentment begins to take root.
See Dementia Through God’s Heart, Not the World’s Story
As I’ve shifted the podcast to be unapologetically Christian, my own view of dementia has changed.
The world’s story sounds like this:
- “Their mind is going, so their value is going.”
- “They’re already gone.”
- “Lying is kinder than upsetting them with the truth.”
- “This is all meaningless suffering.”
But Scripture tells a very different story:
- Your loved one is made in the image of God. Their dignity is rooted in Him, not in their cognition. (Genesis 1:27)
- God carries His people into old age, all the way to gray hairs (Isaiah 46:3–4).
- He does not cast us off when our strength is spent (Psalm 71:9).
- He is “not a God of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33).
So we say it plainly in Caregiving Dignity by Design™:
Dignity. Order. Truth.
Your person still has dignity.
There is order, even in dementia.
And there is always a way to tell the truth in love.
As a caregiver, you are not just “doing tasks.” You are participating in God’s care of another image-bearer. This is not just a medical journey. It is a spiritual one—for you and, if your loved one is a believer, for them too.
If you’re wrestling, resentful, or confused, that’s not failure. It’s often a sign that God is actively working in your heart.
Bring Your Hard Questions to Ask the Dementia Coach
So let me leave you with this:
Where, in your caregiving right now, are you still keeping your faith politely in the background?
- A decision you’re making purely on fear, not on Scripture
- A conversation with siblings you’re avoiding
- A resentment you’re hiding from God instead of bringing to Him
- A question you’re too embarrassed to ask out loud
You do not have to sort this out alone. And you do not have to guess.
That’s exactly why I host the monthly Ask the Dementia Coach Q&A.
In that live, Christ-centered space, you will:
- Bring your specific questions about your loved one, your family dynamics, and your decisions
- Hear answers shaped by both clinical experience and a clear biblical framework
- Get practical next steps you can start using this week—not vague encouragement
- Realize you are not the only one feeling resentful, confused, or spiritually tired
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I can’t keep doing this like I am,” then this is your next faithful step.
👉 Register for our monthly Ask the Dementia Coach Q&A now.
Come with your hardest question. You will leave with clarity, a plan for what to do next, and the reminder that God has not forgotten you in this season.
You don’t need to wait until you feel “ready.”
You simply need to show up—and ask.
