Caregiver Self-Care Strategies to Avoid Burnout
Caregiving for a loved one with dementia is physically and emotionally draining. Many caregivers reach the end of the day utterly exhausted, yet still find themselves staying up late just to enjoy a little peace and quiet. But when rest feels out of reach, how do you reclaim it without guilt?
Lizette walks us through a coaching session with Irene, a dedicated caregiver for her husband, and uncover why rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
Why Caregivers Struggle to Rest
Many caregivers, especially spouses, find themselves in a never-ending cycle of responsibility. In this episode, Irene opens up about her struggles:
✔️ After getting her husband to bed, she sits too long enjoying the quiet instead of sleeping.
✔️ She spends late nights doing chores instead of resting.
✔️ She feels exhausted but doesn’t see an easy way to change.
Sound familiar? Many caregivers experience “revenge bedtime procrastination”—delaying sleep because it’s the only time they have for themselves.
But long-term exhaustion leads to burnout, frustration, and even health risks.
Creating a Plan to Take Back Your Rest
The first step in getting more rest is recognizing what’s keeping you from it. In this coaching session, we discuss practical solutions caregivers can implement right away:
🛑 Stop treating rest as optional – Your body and mind need recovery, just like your loved one does.
📆 Schedule support—don’t wait for it to happen – Instead of relying on a friend only when needed, set up a structured time every week.
💡 Modify routines to reduce nighttime stress – Can chores be done earlier in the day? Can someone help with meal prep or household tasks?
By making small intentional shifts, you can start reclaiming the rest you desperately need.
Protecting Yourself From Caregiver Injury
Another crucial topic in this episode is physical safety—especially for caregivers assisting loved ones with mobility challenges.
🚨 If getting your loved one up the stairs is difficult, it’s time to re-evaluate. Caregivers must prioritize safety over routine, even if it means rearranging the home.
👣 Consider:
✔️ Moving the bedroom downstairs to avoid dangerous stair climbs.
✔️ Finding creative solutions for bathing and hygiene without unnecessary strain.
✔️ Asking for help from family or a church community to lighten the load.
Caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint—and taking care of yourself ensures you can care for your loved one for the long run.
Many caregivers hesitate to ask for help or prioritize their own well-being.
But rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessary part of serving well.
Read More:
How To Let Go Of Dementia Caregiver Guilt and Shame
What Is The Most Important In Dementia Caregiving? Saving Time, Money, or Effort?
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Transcript
[0:00] We know caregiving can be exhausting, but what happens when the biggest thing standing between you and rest is you? If you find yourself staying up late just to enjoy a little peace and quiet, or if your to-do list keeps you from ever feeling like you have rested, you’re not alone. In today’s episode of Dementia Caregiver Support in Action, I talk with Irene, a spouse, and will unpack why rest isn’t a luxury, it is a necessity. And I will share with you practical steps to help you reclaim time for yourself without feeling guilty. Hey, Christian Care Companion, welcome to Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians, the podcast where I teach Bible-believing Christians how to think differently about dementia caregiving. If you are a Christian spouse, the adult child, or a family member of a person living with dementia, and you want more clarity.
[1:10] Less stress, and you want to provide better care, this podcast is for you. Here we will provide you with practical solutions, hope and encouragement, and all through a biblical lens. Did you know that it is time for our next free monthly workshop? I do these workshops every month as a gift to this community. We talk about three ways that you can ease your caregiving journey. This free two-hour workshop is very interactive, and I promise you, you’ll leave feeling empowered with clarity and your very next step in your specific caregiving journey. This month’s workshop is Saturday, March the 8th at 12 p.m. Eastern. You can sign up through the link in the show notes or go to the website thinkdifferentdementia.com forward slash WSL. If you haven’t come to one of these workshops, don’t wait anymore. Sign up and register for this free two-hour workshop today.
[2:22] So what does it look like for you in about six months if things are easier? And then what do you think is the biggest barrier or your biggest thing holding you back from getting that?
Barriers to Sleep
[2:34] Well, I think I would probably need more sleep. That would in turn make me more rested, more pleasant, and more patient.
[2:46] I’m not sure I’ll accomplish the sleep, but I’m trying. Okay. All right. So that’s good. So what is your biggest barrier, though, or your biggest thing holding you back from actually getting more sleep? What do we need to do? At night, when I finally get my husband in bed, I’m so grateful for the peace and the quiet that I sit too long just enjoying the peace. And I need to get up, get my bath, get my teeth brushed, get the dishes washed, and get his clothes laid out so we can start the next day. Okay. I’m tired, exhausted.
[3:24] Okay. How long have you been in this journey, Miss Irene? About two years. Okay. Now tell me a little bit about your sweet husband. So you said about two years that you’ve known. Do you guys have children? We do, but they do not help. Is there a particular reason like geography or other reasons? I presume they just think that it’s my chore. I don’t know. I don’t know why. Okay. Have you asked them? On occasion, I have, but when I saw the reluctance, I stopped escape. But did you ask them why they’re reluctant? No, I didn’t. Okay. So what I hear you saying is that on occasion you have asked for help, but they’ve been reluctant to provide help. Yeah. Or they say, well, you know, the last time we tried to get him up the stairs, it was so difficult. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Okay. What other things have you tried to get some help in the house so that you can have some time. This is not a one-person journey. I tried the homemakers. I was not encouraged by those, so I stopped that.
[4:34] And thus far, whenever we need to go to the barbershop or he needs to go to the doctor, a person from his church has come to help me. And he constantly checks in to see if I need to go to the store or if he can
Finding Help in the Community
[4:50] pick up something for us. So he’s and invaluable in that. Okay. So here is what I’d like you to consider doing. Okay. A couple of things. Number one, I love that you have this member from his church that might be helpful. Yes. I want you to actually tap into him. But what I want you to do is instead of it being just as needed type of thing, I want you to structure it. I want you to ask him what he is able or willing to give from a… Time perspective and schedule it. It needs to be on the calendar. It needs to be a set time on the calendar. It sounds like your husband gets along well with him.
[5:34] I’d love you to consider finding out from church if there’s another gentleman that can do some of that, that you have two people that are just coming in, even I think for you two to three hours, maybe once a week, like if that gentleman can either take him out for a ride in the car or just sit with him so you can go run an errand or just be with him while you’re in a different part of the house so your brain can just uncheck, I think will make a big difference.
[6:05] Correct me if I’m wrong, or actually I shouldn’t say that. I should say, tell me a little more about where he is in his journey. Do you know where in his journey he is? Is he in the… I do not. Okay. According to what you were saying earlier, I’m thinking it’s moderate or more because I have to help him get dressed. He is able to feed himself. Okay. But generally, if he stays up past seven or eight, he’s unable to climb the stairs to get to the bedroom. I have to assist him with that. Okay. So, Ms. Irene… I’m not sure why, though. There are a lot of reasons that it could be, but I want you to consider something. I don’t know what your house looks like, but if there’s at any way possible for you not to reconfigure the home like a bedroom downstairs so you don’t have to go up the stairs anymore. That would make me feel a lot better for you. Here’s my concern. I’ll be honest. If when you’re taking him up the stairs, something happens and both of you fall and you die, your children have now been thrown into a crisis. They have. You’re right. So I appreciate that your children are reluctant, but what that tells me is that we need to think through, if Irene is not there to take care of Mr. Williams, what’s going to happen? Well, I personally think they will put him in a nursing home.
Reassessing Home Setup
[7:34] Okay, but I’m very sure you would prefer that not happen, so let’s try not to kill Miss Irene before this ends, right? Right, right. Right. So what my recommendation, my homework for you is, is there a way to look at your house to bring your bedroom downstairs? I had considered putting him in the dining room because my sister suggested that. Okay. So if I have to, I’ll have to. Okay. Is there a bathroom downstairs? Well, he could probably use the powder room. Okay.
[8:06] It’s near the dining room. Right. But what I mean, there is a way to get clean. Well, you do not need to take a shower to be clean. Okay. Yes. And there’s a way to be clean. There is a way to be clean. Yes. In 1900, we didn’t take showers. We washed. Yes. Yes. Right. Right. So we can get clean. We can go to the potty and we want to try to prevent you from getting injured. I’m not saying that you have to do this. I’m saying that you’ve already expressed that getting him up the stairs. And then you also mentioned your children saying the last time we tried to get them up the stairs, it was difficult. Yes. So if your children who are 20, 25 years younger than you experience it as difficult. Yes. That tells me you should not be doing it either.
[8:53] Okay. All right. Okay. But I’m so excited you’re here. You are doing such a good job, Irene. Thank you so much for coming. You are welcome to come back again. I know these are short little snippets of time for help, but the more you come, the more you can learn. I promise I don’t mind ask Helen. She’s been to several of these. I don’t mind people coming over and over again. I’m here to serve. All right. So your homework is schedule the friend. so it’s a consistent time every week.
Homework and Delegation
[9:25] Think about moving downstairs to make it easier for you. We have to make it easier for you. It is a marathon. It is not a sprint. And then, you know, what can you delegate to someone else so you don’t have to do everything? Can somebody come clean your house or can somebody come help you with laundry? What can you take off your plate so when he does go to sleep at night, you’re not spending all your time running errands or doing things in the home. Okay? All right. All right, sweet lady. Lovely meeting you.
Community Engagement and Support
[9:58] People who are really benefiting from the community are the people who joined earlier on before they need it and that have been active and are participating in the community because then they already know what questions to ask and they have a place to come and they’re not constantly wondering, what do I need to do? How do I need to do it? So people listening are interested in tapping into or learning about the community. I’d invite you to just go to the website, thinkdifferentdementia.com. There’s a link for you to schedule a 20-minute call. There’s no pressure. I’ll serve you regardless of whether you join the community or not. But it is a way for you to take this relationship a little deeper, a little bit more hands-on support, because really the research also shows it’s longitudinal and will support over time. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. I would highly recommend Lizette. She’s awesome. I appreciate that endorsement. You are well. Thank you, everybody, for listening today. And as I try to remember, I try to remember, I don’t always remember, may the Lord bless you and keep you and come back and listen some more. I’m hoping to do more of these coaching style episodes. So come back in and check us out. And thank you for being here today.
