What Do You Do When You're the Only One Left to Care?
Jennifer is a 53-year-old woman caring for her 84-year-old mother with Alzheimer’s. Her dad passed away during the pandemic, and since then, it’s just been the two of them. No siblings. No spouse. A small church. And a job she still works every day.
She knows she needs more help. But asking? That feels impossible.
Maybe you’ve felt the same way. You don’t want to be a burden. You don’t want to hear “I’ll help if I can” only to be forgotten. You’re trying to be faithful, but you’re exhausted and anxious, and sometimes you wonder if you’ll make it through the next six months without falling apart.
You’re not alone in this. And you don’t have to stay stuck here.
Let’s unpack what Jennifer learned during a recent call with me—and what you can do today to start finding real, reliable help as a solo Christian caregiver.
Write the List Before the Offer Comes
Jennifer admitted she rarely asks for help because people are busy. And when someone does say, “Let me know if I can help,” it usually doesn’t lead anywhere.
Here’s the fix: Be specific, and get it on their calendar.
- Write a list of simple, tangible tasks someone else could do.
- A meal once a week
- An hour visit with Mom on Saturday
- A yard chore or errand every other week
- Keep the list in your purse, glovebox, or phone.
- When someone says they want to help, show them the list and ask: “Which one of these could you do, and when could you put it on your calendar?”
This one shift—from passive waiting to proactive scheduling—can unlock the help you didn’t think you could get.
Protect Her Dignity by Planning for Her Future
Jennifer still works full-time. Her mom is home alone during the day. That’s working for now. But what about a year from now? What if Mom lives to 94, like Jennifer’s grandmother did?
If the person you care for lives long enough, they will need 24-hour supervision.
That isn’t fear-based—it’s faithful planning.
Start with these questions:
- What assets or funds does your loved one have?
- Would adult day care be a safe option?
- What in-home care resources exist in your area?
- Is it time to look at facilities?
Stewardship means thinking ahead. You don’t need to make all the decisions now. But you do need to start gathering information so you’re not caught off guard.
Safety Isn’t Just About Falls. It’s About Awareness.
Jennifer’s mom still manages to cook and garden. But what if she can’t find the house keys she left inside? What if she forgets how to open the fridge?
Here’s a rule of thumb: When someone with dementia can no longer scan the environment and locate something out of sight (like keys in a drawer or food in the fridge), they are no longer safe to be alone.
It doesn’t mean you failed. It means her brain is changing, and her needs are growing.
Begin with the End in Mind
This is part of our DigniCare Method™: Clarify where you’re going so today’s decisions are wise.
Ask yourself:
- What would a “good caregiving season” look like six months from now?
- What systems or people would need to be in place for that to happen?
- What can you do today to move one step closer?
For Jennifer, the first step was simple: Make the list.
What’s yours?
You Don't Need to Do This Alone
Jennifer joined the DigniCare Society™—a one-time $97 membership that gives Christian caregivers lifetime access to a growing community, monthly support calls, and real-time answers to the hard questions.
She’s no longer flying solo. And you don’t have to either.
If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling your way through this season, here are two ways to take the next step:
- Register for the next Live Dementia Care Workshop on Saturday, October 4th at noon: thinkdifferentdementia.com/WSL
- Or join the Christian DigniCare Society today and start getting the biblical, practical help you need: thinkdifferentdementia.com
God is not a God of confusion but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33). You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s walk it together—with clarity, stewardship, and hope.
